26 Things That Inevitably Happen When You’re A Bridesmaid

OF COURSE you picked green. I look horrible in green.

1. The second you agree to be a bridesmaid, you will begin to experience that slow sinking feeling of regret.

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2. The dress the bride picked out will not flatter your body type.

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3. The bride will ask for your honest opinion on something and you will be forced to lie, lie, lie.

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4. You will forfeit your sacred weekends for engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and wedding planning.

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5. And you will get inappropriately drunk during at least one of these events.

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6. You will have to pretend to be excited about banal things, like centerpieces and floral arrangements.

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7. You will be pressured to make uncomfortable small talk with relatives of the bride.

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8. You will consume a penis.

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9. You will spend two to three times as much money as you budgeted.

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10. You will see a side of the bride that you didn’t know existed.

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11. You will see a side of yourself you didn’t know existed.

bicostalbitch.tumblr.com / Via Paramount Pictures
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12. At a very low point you will fantasize about doing this:

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13. You will chip your nail polish the day of the wedding.

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14. Your makeup will not come out how you imagined it would.

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15. Neither will your hair.

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16. You will forget to do something during the ceremony, like walk slowly, hold your flowers at your bellybutton, or fix the bride’s train.

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17. You will smile for so many pictures that you will forget how to work your own face.

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18. Your brand new heels will destroy your feet.

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19. You will be so busy before the ceremony that you will forget to eat and show up to the reception a voracious lion.

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20. You will have to help the bride, a grown woman, go to the bathroom because she spent a month’s pay on a dress she can’t move in.

fullmoon312.tumblr.com / Via Universal Pictures
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21. You will be asked to do something corny and embarrassing during the reception and you will grin and bear it.

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22. You will wonder why anyone in their right mind gets married.

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23. Then the bride will look so incredibly stunning that you will be speechless.

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24. And the wedding will be so beautiful that you will change your mind.

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25. You will forget tissues and ruin your makeup from all the happy-crying.

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26. You will have an unforgettable time and feel strangely honored to be a part of it all.

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