The Real Reason Bugs Are Terrifying

It’s worse than you thought.

1. Bugs are kinda creepy, right?

WRONG. THEY’RE TOTALLY CREEPY. But for reasons other than the fact that they are miniature alien-monsters that live in the walls of your house.

2. Insects are creepy because they control the frickin’ world, yo.

Seriously! Think about it for a second.

3. If insects quit their jobs, we’d be up to our eyeballs in dead trees.

Termites keep that shit neat n’ tidy and they never get a thank-you for it!

4. We’d be swimming in garbage.

Insects and worms be like, “BANANA PEEL? DON’T MIND IF I DO!” and meanwhile we never stop to appreciate it.

5. And we’d be covered in guess what ELSE?

All kinds of it, just festering and stinking up the world with nowhere to go. Insects deserve a medal.

6. How’s that apple, friend? You enjoying that?

 

If insects stopped giving a fuck about pollinating our crops, there’d be no apples!

7. There would be no berries, or cocoa (chocolate), or avocados.

 

Or pretty much anything yumtasticly delicious. Y’all better hope insects don’t go on strike.

8. Hey, quick question. Do you like birds? Pretty little singsong birds?

Birds eat insects. If insects decided they were sick of being eaten all the time and took a vacation, we’d be buried under mountains of dead birds. BUMMER CITY.

9. Don’t care about birds, eh? What about the tarsier, the hedgehog, the anteater?

 

‘Cause they munch on insects too. Look into their adorable eyes and whisper a quiet thank-you for insects.

10. Bugs are O.G. They’ve been on Earth waaay longer than us.

By a cool 340 MILLION years, give or take.

11. And they outnumber us.

There are 1.5 BILLION TIMES as many insects than humans on the earth. That comes out to about 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 insects wriggling around the world at any given second.

12. They even OUTWEIGH US.

If you were to pile up all the animals in the world, all the elephants, blue whales, even your fattest uncles, insects would still weigh more.

13. So can you imagine what would happen if they used their armies for EVIL?

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s that insects work well in groups.

14. Bugs pretty much have superpowers. I mean, they can walk UPSIDE DOWN.

Don’t act like you didn’t try to walk upside down with plungers strapped to your feet when you were a kid.

15. Some of them can hold up to 100 times their own body weight!

A caterpillar has 3,300 MORE muscles than a human, so let’s all agree to never start shit with caterpillars.

16. There’s even a bug that can make a sound louder than a lawn mower by rubbing its penis against its abdomen.

It seemed like it was worth mentioning.

17. Craziest of all: Scientists believe insects can’t feel pain.

Which means they know no FEAR.

18. So basically, if insects ever decide to rise up and take over, which they’re more than capable of, we’d all be fucked.

And that’s the real reason insects are terrifying.

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