1. This is the closest to an updo you get:
You’ve got two options: up or down.
2. You can’t seem to get the hang of makeup.
Meanwhile other ladies spend hours putting it on just to look like they’re not wearing any. (Why can’t we all just agree to not wear any?).
3. You aren’t sure how you’re supposed to behave in a dress.
Not wearing pants in public is harder than it looks.
4. Walking in heels requires all of your mental effort.
Sorry can’t talk, trying to not break both my ankles.
5. Painting your nails with your non-dominant hand makes you wonder why anyone ever trusted you with nail polish in the first place.
Please take this away from me, I have no idea what I’m doing.
6. You sometimes forget you’re wearing a skirt and accidentally flash the world your valuables.
Leave that penny, girl. Just leave it.
7. Your dance moves are too awesome for others to handle.
Where did everyone go? Why is the dance floor empty?
8. You never learned how to flirt.
Burp contests are flirty, right?
9. You’re never really concerned about your appearance .
You mean you look like a purse of smashed assholes.
10. You’re not afraid to say how you feel.
Especially if you feel hungry.
11. You hate being doted on.
Plus, who’s going to clean that glass? Not you!
12. You prefer descriptive language over self-censorship.
No shame in the swear game.
13. You skip the pink wine and go straight for the hard stuff.
Efficiency, people. There’s nothing wrong with that!
15. When people start talking about having a spa day your first reaction is to bail.
No thank you very much.
16. You believe the most important part of eating is EATING not decorum.
Nibbling is for squirrels.
17. Going to the mall generally bums you out.
Online shopping means buying new pants without putting your old pants on. It’s revolutionary!
18. The color pink gives you a headache.
When did pink stop being a color and start being a lifestyle?
19. You’ve never understood the point of purses.
What do you even keep in there? Secrets?
20. Other girls love getting dolled up. You consider it a hassle.
Why is this taking so long?