19 Questions New Yorkers Ask When Visiting Los Angeles

Who’s DDing tonight?

1. First of all: WHERE EVEN AM I?

What is this tropical wonderland of joy? Why is it so spacious? Why is no one mad at me for existing?

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2. Why can’t I find a bagel place that’s not a chain restaurant?

And why aren’t you putting the cream cheese on for me? What do I look like, a cream cheese CHUMP?

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3. How am I going to get home from after-work drinks?

Seriously, does this rental car have autopilot?

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4. How in god’s green earth is this a “deep dish pizza”?

Am I supposed to eat it or use it to soak up my tears?

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5. How have I managed to eat a burrito for every meal today?

And how come I’m fine with it?!

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6. Why is everyone wearing a coat in 65 degree weather?

Is this a joke? It’s a joke, right? You’re making fun of us or something. Ha-ha-ha.

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7. How come no one told me palm trees are so goddamn tall?

Are we all just ok with this? They’re HUGE.

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8. Why is everyone wearing yoga pants but never doing yoga?

Am I just to assume you all came to this bar straight from your yoga classes?

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9. Are people seriously using umbrellas in FOG?

BuzzFeed / Matt Bellassai

I get that the air is a little moist, but it’s not even raining! Rain is when water falls from the sky and soaks through your socks and ruins your day, if you weren’t sure.

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10. Why does everything come with a salad?

And what does LA have against french fries? Fries are just like a salad except they taste good.

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11. Why is everyone drinking green goop?

And why is it so…sticky.

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12. Does anyone here understand the functionality of a scarf?

Hint: it’s for keeping your neck warm, so if you’re wearing a t-shirt, you probably don’t need a scarf.

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13. Are you guys for serious with this jaywalking nonsense?

Listen, I’m going to walk out in the middle of traffic like I own the place and there’s nothing your disapproving looks and blaring car horns can do to deter me.

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14. Does literally everyone skate?

I’m pretty sure I saw a toddler in a diaper shredding at Venice.

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15. Is it state mandated that every grandma has to wear a tracksuit?

I mean they DO look fly. But how much running are they really doing?

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16. How come everyone I meet is either a writer, an actor, or both?

And why is their office a Starbucks?

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17. When are you guys getting a subway?

Or do you derive some kind of sick sadistic pleasure from traffic? Ya freaks.

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18. Is it ever not perfect out?

How am I supposed to work all day when there is glorious, shimmering SUN out there? HOW?

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19. Why do I still live in New York?

Just mail me all the bagels and pizza that can fit into one box and this place would paradise.

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