The 27 Most Relatable Schmidt Quotes

Because you really should be your own character on New Girl already.

1. Whenever you accidentally go to a bar in a college neighborhood.

2. When your favorite show goes on hiatus.

3. When those terrible Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials come on TV.

4. When you remember to pay your taxes on time.

5. When your best friend finally asks you to be in their wedding.

6. When you can’t decide what size sandwich to get at Subway.

7. When you reflect on your nontypical upbringing.

8. Whenever you online shop on a site you can’t afford.


9. When someone asks you about your interests and all you can think of is food.

10. You, Friday at 5 p.m.

11. Whenever you and your best friend get weird together.

12. When you think of an awesome catchphrase and can’t wait to try it out.

13. Whenever you watch a scary movie too close to bedtime.

14. When your sheltered childhood skewed your cultural sensitivity.

15. When you found out Pluto was no longer considered a planet.

16. When people catch on that you’re not always the most laid back person on earth.

17. You, in middle school health class.

18. Whenever your celebrity crush is on a new cover of a magazine.

Even if you don’t have a penis.

19. Whenever you try to socialize with real live people.


20. When you get carried away with bedroom talk:


21. You, around your in-laws.

22. Whenever you get defensive about your interior decorating.

23. When you can’t take sexting seriously.

24. Anytime you try to make casual small talk.

25. When someone chooses the wrong time to ask how your day was.

26. When you get unreasonably excited about spending a night in.

27. When you offer up your best nugget of advice.

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Senior Editor, Acid Bath Princess of the Darkness
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