olympics

More Accurate Olympic Medal Rankings

Because gold, silver, and bronze is sooo 776 BC.

1. The Destiny’s Child:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Al Bello & Getty / George De Sota

1st: Beyoncé
2nd: Kelly
3rd: Michelle

Michael Phelps has 18 gold medals, but how many Beyoncés does he have? Exactly.

2. Fast food menu items:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Mike Ehrmann

1st: burger
2nd: chicken sandwich
3rd: fish sandwich

Well we have to do something with all those leftover fish sandwiches no one is ordering.

3. The trio from Harry Potter:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Pascal Le Segretain

1st: Harry
2nd: Hermione
3rd: Ron

Look how bummed that dude is that he got Ron place.

4. Neapolitan ice cream:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Ryan Pierse

1st: chocolate
2nd: vanilla
3rd: strawberry

Now when they do that corny medal-bite thing they’ll at least get a tasty treat.

5. The Kardashian sisters:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Alexander Hassenstein

1st: Kim
2nd: Khloe
3rd: Kourtney

In a way, they’re all bronze.

6. Lord of the Rings movies:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Richard Heathcote

1st: The Return of the King
2nd: The Fellowship of the Ring
3rd: The Two Towers

These are not presented chronologically but by how many times you can watch them in a row before getting bored. Don’t fight me on this, I spent my entire middle school career testing and confirming this order.

7. The modern Charlie’s Angels:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Ryan Pierse

1st: Alex
2nd: Dylan
3rd: Natalie

Are you a winner or a Liu-ser? Trick question. You’re both.

8. M&M flavors:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Streeter Lecka

1st: plain
2nd: peanut
3rd: pretzel

Who even eats pretzel M&Ms? The same guy who’d place third in a Olympic competition, that’s who.

9. The Sanderson sisters from Hocus Pocus:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Lars Baron

1st: Winifred
2nd: Mary
3rd: Sarah

“Bette Midler is gold!” — a fictitious movie review AND the new reality we will all live in.

10. Fries:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Pascal Le Segretain

1st: waffle
2nd: curly
3rd: standard

People would throw down for waffle fries. Records would break for ‘em. A new level of human being would be achieved.

11. ’90s era Lawrence brothers:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Streeter Lecka

1st: Joey
2nd: Matthew
3rd: Andrew

This one ranked by hair, obvi.

12. Pizza:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Pascal Le Segretain

1st: extra extra cheese
2nd: extra cheese
3rd: cheese

Really everyone’s a winner here. Isn’t that what the Olympics is all about?

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