1. STEERING WHEELS.
Oh, I’m sorry, legs. Did YOU want to drive?
3. THEATRE SEATS.
Now I know where the term “break a leg” came from.
4. BUS SEATS.
As if taking the bus isn’t enough of an indignity.
5. AIRPLANE SEATS.
Wow, all this comfort for only $900 per seat.
6. COMPACT SEDANS.
Do ya mind if I keep my legs in the trunk?
8. OVER-THE-KNEE SOCKS
I hear under-the-knee socks are in now. No?
10. SHORT DRESSES.
It looks like a plastic bag caught in a tree.
13. PANTS THAT FIT YOUR LEGS BUT NOT YOUR WAIST.
In case everyone was wondering what underwear I am wearing.
15. HIGH-WAISTED SHORTS.
It’s cool, I didn’t want to feel my genitals anyway.
16. PRICE-GOUGING SPECIALTY STORES.
Really know how to hit a girl when she’s down.
20. MANICURE TABLES.
Can you use that nail file to file down my knees please?
23. WORK OUT EQUIPMENT.
The only burn I’m feeling is the one in my soul.
- Former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore is dropping out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination. He got 133 votes in New Hampshire.
- MLB issued its first-ever lifetime ban for performance enhancing drugs to New York Mets' Jenrry Mejia.
- And how well do you know what happened in the news this week? Take our quiz.