1. STEERING WHEELS.
Oh, I’m sorry, legs. Did YOU want to drive?
2. BATH TUBS.
It’s so relaxing having icebergs for knees.
3. THEATRE SEATS.
Now I know where the term “break a leg” came from.
4. BUS SEATS.
As if taking the bus isn’t enough of an indignity.
5. AIRPLANE SEATS.
Wow, all this comfort for only $900 per seat.
6. COMPACT SEDANS.
Do ya mind if I keep my legs in the trunk?
7. THROW BLANKETS.
Toes so cold.
8. OVER-THE-KNEE SOCKS
I hear under-the-knee socks are in now. No?
9. ACCIDENTAL FOOTSIE.
10. SHORT DRESSES.
It looks like a plastic bag caught in a tree.
Not street legal.
12. PANTS THAT ARE TOO SHORT.
I’ll just get these…tailored?
13. PANTS THAT FIT YOUR LEGS BUT NOT YOUR WAIST.
In case everyone was wondering what underwear I am wearing.
14. THE DRESS/SHIRT CONUNDRUM.
I need answers here, people.
15. HIGH-WAISTED SHORTS.
It’s cool, I didn’t want to feel my genitals anyway.
16. PRICE-GOUGING SPECIALTY STORES.
Really know how to hit a girl when she’s down.
Tired of the struggle.
It’d be cool to one day meet my feet.
As if school isn’t torture enough.
20. MANICURE TABLES.
Can you use that nail file to file down my knees please?
I look like a bear in a circus.
23. WORK OUT EQUIPMENT.
The only burn I’m feeling is the one in my soul.