1. Tom Brady Is Getting Too Old For This
It was a frustrating rain-soaked loss in Cincinnati for Brady’s Patriots. He decided to take it out on our retinas during the postgame press conference.
2. Tom Brady’s Continuing Adventures In Hair Care
This is becoming a disturbing trend. Also, his wife is a supermodel. No excuses, TB.
3. Should’ve Laid Off The Flubber
DeMarco Murray sort of bounced (?) off his offensive lineman. It was probably only the 15th-most interesting thing that happened in this game.
4. Peyton’s Naked Bootleg Is A Great Band Name
I mean, what the hell, Peyton Manning? Really? REALLY?
5. Jerry Jones Has Figured Out This Clapping Thing
Mr. Burns would be a more emphatic cheerleader. Where’s the joy, Jer?
6. A BIG OL’ TEXAS “YEAH!” FROM THE JER
That’s more like it.
7. Tony And Dez, Open All Day
Romo would come within a hair’s breadth of breaking the all-time single-game record for passing yards.
8. Mrs. Tony Romo Approves
Who doesn’t appreciate a supportive spouse?
And this is the symbol of Tony Romo throwing an ultimately game-deciding interception late in a tied game. Denver won, 51-48, and went to 5-0 while the Cowboys were somehow inexplicably left tied atop the NFC East at 2-3. (Ha. Football.)
10. In Which Chris Johnson Discovers Time Travel
The Chiefs are 5-0 after defeating the Titans on the road, but Chris Johnson refound his 2009 form with this nifty catch-and-run for a 49-yard score. “MORE OF THAT,” all of Nashville exclaimed in one country music-twanged voice in unison.
11. T.Y. Hilton? Why, Thank You.
The term “like from a Madden game” is so overused, but this stop-and-start from Hilton was just like from a Madden game.
12. Giving It The Ol’ NFL Punter Tackling Effort
So close, Jon Ryan. Next time, just run out of bounds at the end of the play. Your neurologist will thank you.
13. Have Gum, Will Incessantly, Compulsively Chew
Not quite so happy this week, Coach! On the other hand, that gum just really hit the spot, so there’s that.
14. So Long, And Thanks From All The Fish
The Dolphins couldn’t get past Baltimore, but they did make Joe Flacco look very Flacco-y with this interception return for a touchdown, so that was nice.
15. Randall Cobb, Functional One-Handed Receiver
No one likes a show-off. (YES, THEY DO. WOW, WHAT A CATCH.)
16. “Hey Cam, Can You Sum Up Your Four-Turnover, No-Touchdown Effort Against Arizona In One GIF?”
That’s a bingo.
17. Saints + Marching = You Know The Deal
What a difference a year makes! The Saints are 5-0 and riding high atop the surprisingly dreadful NFC South. (Atlanta, Carolina, and Tampa Bay a combined 2-10? Woof.) The Bears were not much of a challenge, and New Orleans playing next week at New England (with the probable return of Rob Gronkowski) looks like a classic in the making.
18. Next Time, He’ll Think Twice About Flipping Once
David Wilson scored a touchdown, did the double backflip, and was soon ruled out of the game with a neck injury. Regardless, this was the highlight of the day for the Giants, who were taken out by the Eagles, and we probably won’t see this move Thursday night in Chicago, so just stare it a while and forget your worries for a bit. (Even you, Jaguars fans.)
19. #EliFace, Emo Edition
“Mooooooooooooooooooooooom, I don’t wanna do the postgame press conference, AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME.” The Giants are in last place in the NFC East with a record of 0-500.