1. DANCE PARTY: MIAMI EDITION
Let’s get the party started, shall we?
2. Cheer Up, Dog
The Bengals eventually pulled away thanks to a 31-point second quarter. After that, this li’l guy was really crying in his water bowl.
3. Burfict Technique
Bengals linebacking beast Vontaze Burfict had quite the day: 11 solo tackles, a forced fumble, a fumble recovery, a defensive TD, and one hilarious homage to Bo Jackson.
4. Juuuuuust A Bit Wide
Everything went wrong for the Jets today, so no one will remember this Nick Folk field goal attempt that ended up in another zip code.
5. Keep Philly Beard
Jason Kelce, bringing that mountain man look to an offensive line near you.
6. There Are No Words For This Brandon Mebane Celebration
NO, DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE ABYSS. MOVING ON. NOW. LET’S GO.
7. Shady Laid Up
It was a stressful few minutes when fantasy football hero LeSean McCoy went down clutching his hamstring in the second quarter. Everyone’s collective blood pressure, though, shot right back to normal when he came out for the second half and ended the day with 77 rushing yards, 73 receiving yards, and two scores.
8. Stressed-Out Fan Of The Week: Houston Edition
Her fingernails are gone, and so is this Texans season at 2-8 after losing to the Raiders at home.
9. Weather Apocalypse Of The Week: Chicago Edition
Bears-Ravens was delayed nearly two hours due to the rash of deadly tornadoes that struck the Midwest over the course of Sunday.
10. Manti Te’o: Still Seeing People That Aren’t There
Seriously, who/what/where was he looking at on this play? Yeesh.
11. The Right To Bear Arms
Someone call Animal Control before this guy mauls someone.
12. Jason Babin: The Demon Barber Of Jacksonville
Andre Ellington never knew until it was too late.
13. Good Samaritan Of The Week: Hair Edition
14. The Minnesota Vikings’ Season, In One Amazingly Sad GIF
It’s anyone’s guess why they’re 2-8.
15. Pete Carroll Is Always The Happiest Guy In The Room
16. Jim Harbaugh Is Always THE ANGRIEST GUY In The World
17. The Elitist Smile
18. A Level Playing Field
The winds in Chicago had the field goal posts teetering to their sides.
19. Calvin Johnson, As Only Calvin Johnson Can Do
It’s simply not fair.
20. This Is Why You Don’t Fake An Easy Field Goal
Because you might not make it and then you might lose the game in heartbreaking fashion. (Maybe.)
21. Shoddy Tackling Does Not Win Championships
Just ask the Cleveland Browns’ secondary.
22. Area Rich Guy Is Happy
Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross celebrates a hard-fought win over San Diego.
23. RIP Drew Brees’ Neck
We hardly knew ye.