15 Things You Must/Need/Have To Do In New Orleans

Because NOLA is so much more than boobs, beads and bad decisions...

Eat Some Freekin' Pork

Cochon Restaurant / Via cochonrestaurant.com

Cochon is Chef Donald Link's homage to the tastiest animal on God's green Earth. Link was awarded Best Chef of the South by the James Beard Foundation in 2007 and has amassed an Empire of delicious, divinely Cajun and Creole (yes, there is a difference) restaurants in the area. If you cannot get a table at Cochon, lucky for you there is an array of options including, Cochon Butcher (a faster, more casual answer to the big brother equivalent), Pêche, Herbsaint (his flagship) and Calcasieu.

Nothing compares to dining on the sumptuous bits of piggy parts...

Celebrate Christmas a Little Early

The 25 Best Bars in New Orleans / Via complex.com

Snake and Jake's Christmas Club has long since been a hub for New Orlean's weird, wacky, SUPER-late night crowd. It's the dive bar of all dive bars - alcoholics serving alcoholics. But seriously, It's a haven for those hospitality workers that need to forget the night's woes and also a place for the insatiable to nurse their drinks into the wee hours of the morning. Here you can get $2 cans of Schlitz, bags of Blue Doritos and interesting stories from New Orlean's finest freaks. It's right around the corner from Tulane University, just look for the warm glow of multi-colored Christmas lights.

Bonus: Anthony Bourdain has been here, and whatever he recommends has to be good, right?

Get Your Daq On

Malosophy / Via Flickr: malosophy

Feelin' parched? Head over to one of the countless "Daq Shacks" to scoop a delectably deadly frozen beverage. Better yet, find one that has a drive-thru - a convenient way to concoct a midday buzz. Be warned, although NOLA has lax open container laws, meaning you can drink in the streets, you will be arrested for drinking and driving. So use some of that sense the good Lord gave ya. If you decide to utilize the drive-thru services, do not "break the seal" on your container.

I recommend the Mardi Gras flavor, every place seems to have a rendition - a fruity, strawberry-like hell broth of Everclear and who knows what else. Guaranteed to make your vision fuzzy and stain your insides Red Dye 40. Extra floating shot? Yes. Please.

See Some Live Music

Flow Tribe / Via flowtribe.com

New Orleans is the birthplace of jazz, America's original sound. There's a variety of options for music venues. Some of the more notable ones include, Tipitina's and Maple Leaf Bar. If you're lucky, you may be able to catch The Preservation Hall Jazz Band or Flow Tribe when they aren't touring the country being awesome. Keep an eye on their schedules.

Tips for travelers:

1. Bring a little bit of cash when going out in New Orleans, there are some places that don't accept cards. GASP.

2. Double-fisting is not frowned upon, especially when seeing notable acts like these, the venues get swamped with people trying to quench their thirsts, so order up an extra round to avoid getting back in line!

Get Brunched **AF**

FancyKins / Via fancykins.com

What says "hello hangover, I hate my body" more than a hearty, boozy brunch? Everyone knows that grease is the key to immediate binge drinking relief. That plus a good ole-fashioned hair of the dog. Luckily, when you're in New Orleans you are never more than arms length from a stiff cocktail. These gut-busting temples of gastronomy are sure to please Booze Hounds and Sober Sallys alike.

Check out The Ruby Slipper at any one of their three locations. TRS is a New Orleans staple that sources many of their ingredients from local producers like Creole Country Sausage and Laurel Street Bakery . The Eggs Benedict, Eggs Coubion and Bloodies come highly recommended. Warning: get there early because they get packed fast. The bar is quick and serves up cocktails on the fly to make your wait time a little more enjoyable.

You could also hit up Salú, an equally delicious option, which one ups the ante by offering ALL YOU CAN DRINK//MIX AND MATCH mimosas, Pimm's Cup or French 75. They also make their Bloody Mary mix in-house, #winning. Oh yeah, the food is good too.

As a wise man once said, "any brunch without alcohol is just a sad, late breakfast."

Layout at The Fly

NOLA / Via nola.com

The Fly is a water-front area of Audubon Park perched against the Mississippi. It is outside of all the craziness of Downtown in the area known as Uptown, shocking. People come to relax, play some ultimate, smoke dope and unleash their inner hippie. So pack a cooler, a blanket and some munchies - it's a great place to hang out before another night of debauchery ensues.

Mocha Granitas from PJ's

PJ's Coffee / Via vffranchiseconsulting.com

Whenever I'm in NOLA, my inner basic gets SUPER excited at the thought of Mocha Granitas from PJ's, a life-giving, some say cure-all for the absolute worst hangovers on the face of the planet. You want this, no, NEED this. There are several locations across town that offer this and many more caffeinated beverages to put that extra pep-in-your-step after a night of full-on sclerosis-enducing drinking. Skip the whip though...it just gets in the way.

Get the Scoop at Coop's

Via neworleansonline.com

Coop's Place, "where the not-so-elite meet to eat," is located on Decatur Street, around the corner from the madness that is Bourbon. It is a great example of straightforward Cajun cooking sans the white table cloths. Some things that come highly, highly recommended are the Shrimp Creole, Rabbit & Sausage Jambalaya and of course, their famous Cajun Fried Chicken. All washed down in a sea of Abita Turbodog.

Suck Heads and Eat Tails

Crack in Crawfish / Via crackincrawfish.net

If you find yourself in New Orleans between February and June, do yourself a favor and participate in one of the best eating traditions the South has to offer. Crawfish, crawdads, or mudbugs are a traditional Cajun delicacy. Legend says that crawdads were at one point lobsters, who made the journey from Nova Scotia in order to follow the Acadians (Cajuns) in their quest for religious freedom. The journey from Nova Scotia to the bayous of Louisiana was so long and perilous that the lobsters lost a ton of weight.

Normally, they are boiled quickly in a potent broth of Old Bay or Zatarain's Boil Seasoning and served with knobs of corn and Andouille sausage. But if you're lazy or squeamish, you can also munch on these critters in the form of a fried Po'boy or saucy étouffée. Check out Clesi's or Mid-City Yacht Club for plates of boiled bugs or other crawdad delights.

Tips for travelers:

1. Make sure that your crawdad purveyor has thoroughly purged and cleaned your dinner. This rids the mudbugs of their muddy flavor because no one likes the taste of river goo.

2. If you're diving in hands first, remember not to touch your eyes (or privates) afterwards or prepare for a wicked spice burn.

Go to a Festival - Other than Mardi Gras

Voodoo Fest / Via worshipthemusic.com

Don't get me wrong, if you get the opportunity to visit NOLA during Mardi Gras, you should because it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Just make sure you have your wits about ya - because it's a marathon not a sprint, kids! There are many other festivals to put on your bucket list (that's right, a list within a list - LISTCEPTION), including:

1. Voodoo Fest (Halloween-ish festival in City Park)

2. Jazz Fest

3. French Quarter Fest

4. Buku Music and Arts Project (EDM/Indie Rock festival in Mardi Gras World)

Just to name a few...but I can pretty much guarantee that there will be some sort of party happening when you arrive.

Sip a Bit of Old France

Criollonola / Via criollonola.com

Dive face-first into a French 75, also known as a "soixante quinze" back in the old country. Created after World War I as a celebratory drink that boozed up our boys overseas in Paris. It's basically a Tom Collins that uses Champagne, hence the French name, instead of carbonated water. There's also the Sazerac; a New Orleans cocktail named for the Sazerac de Forge et Fils cognac. It's a beverage so potent it'll make your nose hairs catch fire and your britches feel tighter.

But really, any fancy cocktail will do. You need to make your way to a nice bar while you're in New Orleans so you can see the other end of the spectrum aside from the stale pee and vomit-covered dive bars of good ole Bourbon Street. Live a little - treat yo self. So put on your Sunday best and head over to Hotel Monteleone (known for their kick ass carousel bar) or Cure on Freret Street for a good time and some fancy-ass cocktails. Go ahead, stick your pinky out.

Tip for travelers: New Orleans has excellent cab service. So don't be shy and hail one from the streets or call yo ass an Uber, cause you got somewhere to be (thanks Drake)...

Say Cheese

Bitsy and Boo / Via bitsyandboo.com

The French tend to leave behind three things; tree-lined boulevards, baguettes, and stinky cheese. St. James Cheese Company is a cool joint that serves excellent pressed sandwiches and cheese plates. They also offer classes through their "Cheese School" which teaches students about pairing wines with varieties of cheese. C'est manifique!

Bonus: you can purchase any of their cheeses in the adjoining shop to take home and enjoy. But be warned, some of their cheeses are extremely ripe, just be mindful of other travelers in close proximity!

Visit the Mausoleum of Marie Laveau

Hole in the Donut / Via holeinthedonut.com

Yeah, yeah. Touristy. I know. But in all seriousness, it's a cool place to visit. Saint Louis Cemetery No. 1 is the oldest in the city; built during the eighteenth century. Unfortunately, because of the rise in vandalism over the years, you can only get access to the site through tour companies. Check out Free Tours by Foot. Not only are they certified for excellence by TripAdvisor (which is no easy feet, ha - get it?!), their guides are knowledgable and hilarious. So if you're not hugging the toilet in your hotel room, you should take one of their tours to get a peek of New Orleans from days past.

For all you American Horror Story buffs, not only is Marie Laveau (played by Angela Bassett) buried here but supposedly the cruel and insidious Madame (Delphine) LaLaurie (played by Kathy Bates) was also laid to rest in Saint Louis.

Binge on Beignets

Wikipedia / Via upload.wikimedia.orgé_du_Monde.jpg

Cafe du Mondé has been cranking out fried deliciousness since 1862. They are also open 24-hours a day, seven days a week...now that's service. So if you find yourself near French Market with a hankering for something sweet, stop in for a few beignets doused in powdered sugar and a cafe au lait (coffee with milk).

Tip for travelers: buying the pre-packaged mix to fry at home is just not the same...so don't bother. Since they cook their product in unicorn tears and rainbows you need to make the trek to stuff as many as you can in your face the first time around.

Practice Your "WHO DAT?!"

Trippaluka Style / Via trippalukastyle.com

Ain't nothing in this world like a tailgate in the South. They are as auspicious as weddings and funerals. You're guaranteed to have a rip-roaring good time. So make some friends while you're in NOLA and score an invite to a kick-ass tailgate. The Saints' regular season begins in September, so if you're heading to the Mercedes Superdome to catch a game, be sure to apply the deodorant and hydrate thoroughly.

If you can't get tickets, there are plenty of bars and restaurants that play host to rabid locals and fans. Some good options for game-day festivities, include The Bayou Beer Garden and The Bulldog in Mid-City. Both have ample outdoor seating space, plenty of televisions, tasty bar snacks and cheap drink specials. Shots are free, win or lose but really, "Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints?"

If you find yourself in The Big Easy, take advantage of all they have to offer and as always, Laissez les bons temps rouler!

For more ideas on what to do in the Cresent City, check out this map.