The Perfect Day For A Hamburger Lover, In Pictures

This is going to be the best day of your — and your pet turtle’s — entire life. posted on

1. First thing in the morning, you wake up on your burger bed…

5. Doesn’t have to be fancy,

7. Or it can come out of a can!

8. Then it’s time to help the kids get dressed,

11. and send them off to school.

12. Time to get dressed for work.

13. Maybe you work somewhere fancy,

14. or very fancy.

15. Or someplace a little more casual,

18. Honestly, you should probably wear socks,

19. even if you think your shoes look better without them.

20. Now do your hair,

21. and your makeup.

23. …or more natural.

25. You’ve got options…

26. …lots of options…

27. …for that bling.

28. Before you walk out the door, be sure to water your plants,

30. make sure you have your keys,

31. and grab your wallet.

32. Time for the daily commute!

34. no matter what kind of bike you’re riding.

35. Grab coffee en route.

36. Start off the day with some email.

37. Oops! Wrong mouse.

38. Tune out the noise and get down to work…

39. ..or spend your morning pranking a coworker…

40. …or just sharpening all your pencils.

41. Get a mani on your lunch break,

42. and scarf down a couple PB&Js.

43. Maybe they’d taste even better with some burger-flavored Cheese-Whiz?

44. Afternoon: get some paperwork done…

45. …reward yourself with a snack…

46. …and give yourself some time to just mess around.

47. Don’t forget to back up your hard work!

48. Hit the gym after work,

55. Now, relax for a bit.

56. (Don’t forget your dog needs to relax, too.)

57. (Not to mention your ferret.)

58. Because tonight you will party!

59. Call all of your favorite people and invite them over,

60. tell them to bring presents,

61. and dress to impress.

62. Flaunt your best assets.

63. There should be live music…

65. And of course you’ll make food…

66. …season liberally!

*Note you should actually use kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper — not the stuff out of a shaker — but you probably knew that already / these are adorbes

67. Be sure there’s a food option for your vegetarian guests,

68. something healthy for the ones on a diet,

69. and hot sauce for those people who only think food is good when it’s spicy.

70. There should be entertainment for the kids…

71. …and band-aids for the inevitable scraped knees.

72. Don’t forget the indoor kids…

73. …or the artsy kids…

74. …and remember you may have some adults that were once indoor kids…

76. Consider hiring a clown…

79. serve cookies,

81. (mini cakes are fine too, duh)

82. or serve ice cream.

83. Have some adult beverages handy…

84. …but don’t get drunk and start a fight; your knuckle sandwich is just for show.

85. If you BBQ, wear a hat while you grill.

86. But the party can also be formal!

87. Need an excuse to party? It can be for Halloween…

93. …or spring.

94. All that matters is that you clean up before bed.

95. Then it’s time to put the kids to sleep.

96. Hope that they did’t eat too much candy…

97. …to be sleepy.

98. Try wearing them out with a bath,

99. or read them a story on a comfy chair,

100. or give them a quick geography lesson.

101. Then slip into something comfy…

102. …watch a little late-night TBS…

103. …or do whatever hobby helps you relax at the end of a long day.

104. As you drift into sleep, embrace the abstract,

105. and let any troubling thoughts shrink away.

106. And rejoice because everything…

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