For the record...he never came back.
1. When she showed up to a Gatsby-themed party not as a flapper — but as a gangster.
<3 my hero <3
3. When she took this picture and looked like a flawless twentysomething but then you realized this is the face of a 37-YEAR-OLD…WITH TWO KIDS.
Thirty-seven. Yup. The average life expectancy in 1850 looks like this face.
4. When she rapped and you were like, “I want to be these words coming out of your mouth because each breath is more badass than any amount of badassery I will ever have in my entire body after seven lifetimes.”
5. When her hair looked like a mermaid had met an angel and they sat together on a rainbow and played the harp and weaved together the most perfect strands known to the heavens.
6. When she Instagrammed her dog.
7. And dressed her like the most badass little pup to ever be so excited to have a snow day.
8. And put her in between stuffed animals and she was all like, “Obviously this picture would look better if it were only me in it.”
9. When she confronted a man who’d been stalking her store and he was so scared shitless that he literally RAN AWAY in pure, unadulterated terror.
10. When she looked totally breathtaking walking the runway for an AIDS benefit fashion show.
“The Reality of Fashion, the Reality of AIDS” fall 2013 benefit show.
11. When her toned arms looked like a sculpture that had been chiseled to perfection for years before the artist was like, “OK, I’ve got it, now I can unveil this to the world.”
12. When she did this and you wanted her to be around you 24/7 to protect you and everyone else in your life.
13. When she was BFF with Snooki.
Who, let’s be real, is another pretty badass babe.