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What’s Your Jorts Horoscope?

Wanna rock jorts extra hard this summer but don’t even know where to begin? Never fear: It’s already been written in the stars.

1. Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)

Ahoy, Pisces. Imaginative and romantic, you’re a dreamer who’s naturally drawn to the sea. What’s more romantic than imagining yourself traversing the seven seas in adorable sailor-style jorts?! Well, a few things, probably, but you get the gist. Get your sea-loving lil’ paws on a pair, stat.

(ModCloth, $50–55)

2. Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Lively, high energy, and full of positive vibes up the wazoo, you tend to light up any room as soon as you walk in — just like a fun polka-dot print! Whimsical jorts will bring a smile to everyone who looks your way (barring the occasional sociopath), and there’s nothing you love more than a room full of happy, polka-dot-loving people.

(Forever 21, $13.80)

3. Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Known for your intense determination, you’re one of the most reliable signs of the zodiac. DIY is totes your thing — put that razor-sharp focus to good use and customize your own pair of jorts. A scissor and little lace trim can go a long way on your route to style town USA. (And to being a poet without even knowing it.)

(DIY instructions here.)

4. Gemini (May 21 – June 21)

Unpredictable, enthusiastic, and a bit dual-natured, you’re pretty much the life and soul of a party — especially a JORTS PARTY, DUH. You get bored relatively easily, so shake things up with some very non-boring dip-dyed studded jorts and get on down till the break of dawn, you fun lil’ firecracker.

(Serge and Destroy Levi’s Denim Cutoffs, $40)

5. Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Even when you try to mask your true nature, deep down you’re a sensitive and emotional soul who loves nothing more than nurturing others. Flowers looove being nurtured, so slip those gams into an adorable floral-print pair of jorts. And OMG, flowers also love water; you’re a water sign. Coincidence?! I THINK NOT. Jorts-season destiny right here.

(Forever 21 Canada, CAD$ 13.80)

6. Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)

Thanks to your magnetic zest for life and kind, warm-hearted nature, you’re a social butterfly even when you’re not trying. You tend to be frank with your words, but your capacity to lift others’ spirits is unrivaled — just like a pair of quirky printed jorts that yell, “LIFE IS AWESOME LET’S EAT WATERMELONS” that are also the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

(ModCloth, $85)

7. Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

Your practicality is one of your biggest strengths; logical and level-headed, you need a no-nonsense pair of classic jorts — a versatile lil’ number that can take you from day to night in a jiffy. (And because you can be a bit of a clean freak, err on the side of a darker wash so you can get as sloppy as you want without a worry in sight.)

(ModCloth, $35)

8. Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

Charming, sociable, and diplomatic, you’re a natural at conversing with just about anyone. Although you rarely go to extremes, you enjoy standing out. Get the conversation started in a pair of colored jorts you won’t want to get out of all summer. (But you should try, because showering in jorts, while fun, is slightly inefficient.)

(Urban Outfitters, $59)

9. Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

Emotional, intense, and slightly mysterious, you need an equally intense pair of jorts. And what’s more mysterious than the fashion decisions we all made in the ’80s and early ’90s? You’re a particularly resourceful sign, so go on and slip those limbs into pair of vintage-y acid-wash jorts — DIY or otherwise.

(Rag & Bone at Ron Herman, $165)

10. Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

Active, outdoorsy, and impulsive, you’re a bundle of fearless energy, so who knows where you’ll end up this jorts season? Whether you’re hopping fences, sleeping outside under the stars, or frolicking at a music festival in drug-fueled stupor, you’ll need a pair of comfy cutoff jorts to accompany you on your summer adventures.

(Free People at Bloomingdale’s, $68)

11. Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

You are the sign of stability, calmness, and maturity, and you simply radiate confidence, you lucky little thing. You’ll kill it in a pair of black high-waist jorts, sure to make you seem classy and pulled together even on your most frazzled days. Keep calm and jorts on.

(Monki at ASOS, $38)

12. Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

Routine bores the living crap out of you — so much so, that at times you may be considered a bit eccentric. Well, then, jorts lover: Spice things up with a pair of shorts you don’t see on everyone — like belted paper bag–waist jorts. Team ‘em with a fitted crop top and you’ll be the hottest lil’ Aquarian under the sun this jorts season.

(Similar styles at Daisy Dress for Less, $25)

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