17 Awkward Office-Bathroom Moments, As Told By Haiku

Because if you look hard enough, you can find poetry in even the most vile situations.


My boss, is that you?
I fear I cannot unhear
your explosive poop

There is a gap
between the door and the wall
You can see me pee

I see your shoes, friend
Should I stay and say hello?
I just heard you fart


In the turd showdown
who will be the one to cave
I will not leave first

Crunch, crunch, rip, ::lid swings::
It’s clear to everyone here
that I’m on the rag


A most jarring thought:
The serial seat pee-er
could be my best friend

The attempt to hold
in this super loud fart was
not too successful

Oh crud, this stall stinks
Will everyone think it’s me?
I’ll exit, head high


You keep talking, why?
I am pee shy, still, and we’ll
be here till sundown

Under the cover
of darkness I leave my logs
The poop bandit rides

I spot seat sprinkles
Do I risk a UTI
or change stalls swiftly


There’s only us two
Don’t want you to hear me pee
but you will not leave

Hello — our eyes meet
in the mirror, via door gap
This is so awkward


Peeing in peace when —
“Heeey, I recognize your shoes”
Are you kidding me

Do you think it’s cool
Not to wash your dainty mitts?
I heard no faucet


There is no TP
Do I use a seat cover
or yell for a friend

Just me and you
You ran water while I peed,
My bathroom angel


With additional haiku help from Katie Notopoulos and Julia Pugachevsky.

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