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1. No. No no no no no no.
2. Who hurt you?!
3. But never did we think that you would grow up to be ... this.
4. Betraying our trust. Disrespecting your ancestors.
5. SPITTING ON THE GOOD NAME OF CAKE.
6. Please, cake. This isn't you.
7. Come back to the light.
8. You should be PROUD of who you are.
9. Don't hide behind this fiber-packed facade.
10. Just everyone take a deep breath and we'll figure this all out, right? RIGHT?!
11. OH GOD NO PUT DOWN THE KNIFE.
12. It's ... it's too late.
13. Go HOME, cake. You're drunk.
14. *sheds a single nutrient-rich tear*
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