28 Relationship Lessons We Learned From "Sex And The City"

    Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours.

    Emma Cooke
    by Emma Cooke

    BuzzFeed Contributor

    1. Be bold.

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    Samantha waited hours in a restaurant for a hot waiter to finish his shift, so she could go home with him. She even PAID the one other woman still waiting to leave. Which is a little extreme, but that waiter was also Jerrod, and it WORKED.

    So if you want something, go for it. And if someone is turned off by you going after what you want, what does that say about them? Nothing good.

    2. Looks aren't everything.

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    You could argue that a lot of SATC is concerned with the superficial, but when it comes to love, that wasn't always the case. Harry wasn't who Charlotte thought she'd end up with, but he turned out to be her happily ever after. The message? Don't write someone off just because they're "not your type" physically.

    A pretty face will only take you so far, and a wonderful human being can end up being way sexier than any wannabe-model.

    3. Everything happens in its own time.

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    You can't hurry love, you'll just have to wait... i.e. ignore all the pressure out there to find someone.

    Look at what happened to Charlotte. She put so much pressure on herself to find "The One" and live her perfect magazine life, that she married TREY MACDOUGAL, MAN BABY OF ALL MAN BABIES.

    Just think about that for a second, OK?

    4. Be prepared for some really bad dates.

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    Oh the litany of bad dates the SATC ladies went through. Slimy Len Schneider, who Samantha only dated because she thought she was going through menopause. Arthur, who couldn't go on a date without starting a fistfight. Oh, and let's not forget Brad, who thought kissing should involve face licking.

    Thanks to online dating, the pool of potential bad dates has only increased, and like the saying goes: you've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find someone who knows how to date like a functioning human being. Prepare yourself for the onslaught of frogs, and know it's going to be OK.

    5. It'll seem like everyone's an asshole.

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    After endless failed dates, heartbreak, ghosting, and cheaters, it can be easy to feel like there's no one decent out there.

    Richard cheated on Samantha, Carrie broke Aidan's heart (twice) and Mr Big left Carrie AT THE ALTAR. Sadly, it's not all roses and suited men in limousines.

    Hard as it is, try not to let the ghosts of dates past affect your present. People have a funny way of living up to your expectations of them, and assuming someone's an asshole from the get-go tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    6. Dating is exhausting.

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    Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda dated over 100 men over the course of six seasons. ONE. HUNDRED. MEN.

    Dating can feel like really hard work. Charlotte's right – it's exhausting. If you're suffering from dating fatigue, here's what you do. Take a break. Stay in. Treat yourself.

    Wine? Check. Pyjamas? Check. Friends? Check. Couple getting frisky in the building opposite? Check. That is literally all you need for a good night.

    7. Sometimes dating can make you go a little crazy.

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    And you know what? That's OK. People suck sometimes. People do cowardly things, like breaking up with you on post-it notes, and it can make you feel like busting some balls (literally).

    Sure, Carrie regretted blowing up at Berger's friends. But sometimes letting off steam can be pretty cathartic. Just make sure it's directed at the right person.

    Because WHO CARES what they think? Berger was a jerk, and Carrie never saw him or his friends again.

    8. What other people think isn't that important.

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    Samantha was a total boss. She lived her life according to her terms and didn't let anyone dictate to her.

    In her own immortal words, "I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever, and blow whomever I want, as long as I can breathe and kneel."

    If you're happy, forget the haters and live your life how you want to live it.

    9. Don't ignore good advice though.

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    If you love someone, then that's all that should matter. Case in point, Carrie continued to date Big despite the disapproval of pretty much everyone.

    But if it's your best friend losing her cool in a clothes shop, maybe it's time to listen.

    Your friends can give you perspective that's hard to get when you're blinded by love. They also only want what's best for you, so even if you don't necessarily follow their advice, try to take it into consideration.

    10. Mistakes aren't the end of the world.

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    Your mistakes are what shape you, and everyone makes them. They're how you learn.

    If Charlotte hadn't been through Trey MacDougal, she may never have found Harry. Even worse, she may have found him and not noticed him because she was still chasing the MacDougal dream.

    11. Know what your needs are.

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    Love is about accepting your partner, flaws and all – which is what Samantha tried to do with poorly-endowed James. She really tried to make it work, and get over his one little problem. But some *things* are just a deal-breaker, and for Samantha, James' *ahem* "gherkin" was one of them.

    It's important to be flexible in a relationship, and not get too wrapped up in the physical. But you also need to know your own needs, and be ready to end something that's never going to meet your needs. Because there's a difference between looking at the person within and signing yourself up for a possible lifetime of sexual frustration!

    12. Don't be afraid of love.

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    Modern dating sometimes feels like a contest of who can care less.

    Carrie was always honest about wanting ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love, and that's what she got. Being loved is one of the most basic human wants, and being with someone who can't or won't give you that is only ever going to be a waste of time.

    13. Hook-ups are totally OK too though.

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    Even prim, proper Charlotte shocked her ladies lunch by pulling a Samantha after months of putting up with Trey and his issues. If there's one thing you take from SATC, it's that you can do whomever and whatever you like. With no judgement.

    14. It's OK to put yourself first.

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    They say true love is loving someone more than you love yourself. But if you're not happy, what's the point of being in a relationship?

    No matter how gorgeous and sweet Jerrod was, no matter how much he and Samantha loved each other, or how much we all shipped them as a couple, it wasn't right for Samantha and she needed to pursue her own happiness. *SOB*

    15. You can't pressure someone into loving you.

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    Ending something because the other person will never be able to emotionally commit? Good. Trying to force someone emotionally unavailable to tell you you're the one? Bad.

    You can't change someone, so if they're not right, leave. Hey, you never know. Maybe they'll follow you to Paris six years later and finally tell you you're the one.

    16. Sometimes, they're really just not that into you.

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    Clichés are there for a reason, and pretty much no one who's ever moaned, "why aren't they texting me?!" has ever ended up with the person they're moaning about (and if they have, they're definitely the exception).

    People put in the amount of effort they want to put in. So, if it feels like someone isn't giving you 100%, chances are it's because they just don't want to. Unless they have a super legit excuse (like terrible diarrhoea), walk away.

    17. Always know your worth.

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    You deserve someone who is into you. Everyone does. Why date someone who feels meh about you? You're bloody fantastic and the person you date should think so too.

    And if you forget how great your are, your friends will remind you. Like Charlotte telling Carrie that she doesn't need new shoes to impress Natasha, because no matter what she wears, she'll still be the most incredible woman in the room.

    18. Don't let finding love affect how you live your life.

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    In "Take Me Out To The Ball Game", Miranda yelled, "How does it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends?" Preach it Miranda.

    Don't let dating rule your life. The best way to look for love is to forget about finding love. If someone comes along, great! But if they don't, at least you still have your fantastic friends, family and career, and that's enough.

    As Carrie says: the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.

    19. Heartbreak happens.

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    Everyone experiences heartbreak.

    Carrie and Big's relationship was drawn out over ten years of ups and downs. Miranda and Steve broke up, and got back together, Charlotte went through the divorce (and mother-in-law) from hell, and Richard broke Samantha's heart by eating another woman's sushi.

    Heartbreak is awful and painful, and not something you can avoid. It hits you like a ton of bricks when you least expect it. But it's also what strengthens you.

    20. You might feel like giving up.

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    After Trey, Charlotte felt like he'd taken away her ability to believe in love. She felt lost, and hopeless, and like a part of her was gone for good. It's normal to feel like that after a bad break up, but don't give up.

    There's always light at the end of tunnel, or in Charlotte's case, a lovely Jewish lawyer who thinks she's the sexiest woman he's ever met.

    21. You have to let people in.

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    Miranda was so cynical that when Steve chased her down to see her again, her response was: "Oh right, because you think I'm an easy lay." It's so easy to switch yourself off to people and believe the worst, especially after years of being proved right.

    But Steve kept doing the unexpected. And eventually even cynical, sarcastic Miranda fell for him.

    22. Loving someone doesn't mean they're not the worst sometimes.

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    Especially if you move in with them. Aidan trying to fix Carrie's apartment went from a lovely, sweet gesture to the MOST ANNOYING THING EVER very quickly.

    The key is to not let the small stuff make you lose sight of why you fell in love.

    23. You'll realise you're not perfect either.

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    Aidan and Carrie's whole relationship is a lesson in how imperfect Carrie is.

    Big broke her heart, then she went and broke Aidan's, treating him pretty badly in the process. When you're yelling at someone for their annoying habits, remember that you've definitely had your moments too. Like screaming at someone about your broken laptop, and then getting pissed off at them again for buying you a new laptop. We're all hard to be with sometimes.

    24. Communication is key.

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    If something was bothering Samantha, she wasn't afraid to say it. No matter how intimate.

    How can anyone know what's going on if you don't tell them? No one's a mind reader, and sometimes you have to explain exactly what you're experiencing to help your other half understand. That's true both in the bedroom and out.

    25. You need to be able to forgive.

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    Miranda broke it off with Steve, turned down his marriage proposal, and then realised she made a mistake. Steve cheated on Miranda while they were going through a rough patch in their marriage, and she managed to forgive him (on the Brooklyn Bridge no less).

    People make mistakes, and loving someone means loving and accepting all of them – the flaws and imperfections too.

    26. Because real, true love can overcome any obstacle.

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    Carrie and Big made it through marriages, cheating, commitment issues and long distance, and Charlotte changed religion to be with Harry. Love doesn't alter when it alteration finds, and it doesn't care about your creed, colour, or religion.

    If you're right for each other, you make it work. It might be hard, but you find a solution.

    Because if you're someone's chosen person, who cares what their rabbi says.

    27. Happily ever afters can happen.

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    It can be a long and difficult process, but being able to spend every Sunday lazing in bed (ideally eating pizza) with the person you know you're spending the rest of your life with is worth fighting for. Despite all the and ups and downs, Miranda and Steve, Charlotte and Harry, and even Carrie and Big managed to make their relationships work.

    Meanwhile, Samantha decided that she didn't want just one person for the rest of her life, because happily ever afters come in all shapes and sizes.

    28. Above all, remember that relationships may come and go, but true friendship is forever.

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    No matter what happened, Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha were there for each other through thick and thin. There may be loads of great, nice guys in your life, but sometimes your soulmates are the besties standing right by your side.