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28 Horrors Of Looking For A Graduate Job

Commonly understood to be the most difficult thing ever.

1. You used to laugh at graduating friends and family who didn’t have jobs and say they just didn’t try enough. Now you cry. A lot.

2. You sign up for graduate job websites but soon your inbox is full of job alerts for jobs you’re not qualified for in areas that you never said you were interested in.

3. You apply to every single application you can find.

4. Meanwhile you stop doing any degree work at all.

5. In fact you have no motivation to work because you’re going to be unemployed anyway.

6. Some days are worse than others. And some days are even worse than those.

7. All entry level posts ask for experience.

8. You realise that spending the last three years watching box sets may have been slightly unproductive… so you watch TV to cheer yourself up.

9. You buy a suit in case you get an interview, then contemplate selling the suit to fund living since you’re jobless.

10. You don’t actually want most of the jobs you apply for. You just want any job. So if you make it to interview, you can’t convince them you’re interested in the job, and they don’t offer you it. The vicious circle begins again.

11. Telephone interviews are the most awkward conversations you’ve ever had…

… they’re more awkward than when someone forgets that you’ve met before…

…more awkward than bumping into professors in the supermarket…

…more awkward than talking about someone then turning around to find them behind you.

Essentially they’re the most painful experience possible.

12. Every time you get an email, you open it fearing rejection.

13. You turn the number of rejections you’ve received in one day into an achievement, and strive for your personal best.

14. Employers always tell you they had lots of qualified people apply, and you just didn’t cut the mustard.

15. When rejection emails say things like “we’re sorry to inform you…” or “it is with regret” you yell “LIES!” at the computer.

16. Everybody keeps asking how it’s going, and you keep wanting to cry.

17. Friends who aren’t graduating yet say ‘reassuring’ things like “I’m sure you’ll find something” and you just feel rage at their ignorance.

“Just you wait till it’s your turn…”

18. Every time your parents ring up the only thing you talk about is jobs.

19. Family members cut out adverts from the newspaper and post them to you, thinking they’re being helpful.

20. You lie awake at night panicking about the future…

…and then you just end up panicking about not getting enough sleep and over-sleeping and never doing any work and never getting a job and just failing at life…

…and then you panic about panicking.

21. You do productive things like creating playlists to match your mood to distract yourself from the panic.

22. You start planning how you’re possibly going to cope living at home with your parents again.

23. You clean your room a lot to keep busy.

Tidy room, tidy mind, right?

24. Lots of your friends apply for post-graduate study, and you accuse them all of chickening out of trying to find a job like you’re a warrior in a valiant battle.

25. When your friends get job offers, saying congratulations is like poking your own eye.

26. You count the number of people you know without a job every day, and despair mounts as the number dwindles.

27. You feel very alone and not at all prepared for the real world.

28. The realisation slowly dawns that if you don’t get a job soon, you’re going to be unemployed…

…and what seemed like a long way away suddenly seems very close…

…and this makes you panic a lot. So you send off 10 more applications, beginning the vicious circle again.

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