1. If you’re trying to avoid being apprehended and someone comes after you, beat up your attacker and steal his gun.
2. If multiple men are shooting at you, shove one between two beams. It’ll take some pressure off.
3. When you’re being chased down the street, create barriers with whatever is closest to you.
5. If you’re taken into a high security holding area, look as stern as humanly possible.
6. And if someone tries to interrogate you, hold on to that poker face as hard as you possibly can.
7. Even if your emotions are being tracked by a monitor, DO NOT show those emotions externally.
8. Make sure you have a chip implanted in your hand to trigger blackouts in the event you’re put in a compromising situation.
9. When needing to break a friend out of maximum security, threatening the person holding said friend with a gun can do the trick.
10. It’s good to make friends who will blow holes into buildings for you, in the event that someone is interfering with your original escape plan.
12. No matter how many guns are pointed at you, use any distraction (like other gun shots from afar) to run away.
13. If someone tries to stop you from escaping a parking garage, don’t give up. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
14. If you do escape, make sure a friend who knows how to carjack is available as your getaway.
17. When you’ve barricaded yourself in a room, sometimes it’s best to side with an enemy.
18. Seriously though, that poker face can get you far in life. Even with the president of the United States.
19. Never take your eyes off the bad guy in a gun fight, because he could throw a grenade at any moment.
23. In the event you need to take over a heavily armed cargo ship, have a friend pull up the location schematics so you can anticipate every shooter.
25. And if your best friend is being held by Russians, agree to trade your life for hers.
- World leaders are gathering in Paris for the United Nations summit on climate change 🌍 ›
- Planned Parenthood officials said they believed Friday's shooting at a Colorado Springs clinic was motivated by opposition to abortion. ›
- And Kobe Bryant wrote a poem announcing that he's retiring from professional basketball at the end of this season 🏀🎭 ›