What To Expect When You're In The Midwest

Easter has come and passed, which means that many people left the bright lights and bustling sidewalks of the big city to visit their childhood homes. For many of us that meant the Midwest. The one place we couldn't run away from fast enough is now the only place we can go to give our wallets a break. Here is what to expect if you visit the region or, heaven forbid, have to move.

Strangers Waving

It doesn't matter if you are driving by at 50 MPH or hiding behind a barn 3 miles away; they will find you.

A Greater Prevalence of Farm Machinery

Not every kid will be lucky enough to drive their mom's van to school.

Not So Subtle Reactions To How You Speak

It's called pop not soda, cussing not cursing, and they never refer to pizza as 'pie'

Quieter Nightlife

Someone will inevitably tell you that the last bar in town closed after "that Fuddruckers opened off I-95."

Realizing "Other" Places Don't Have Extensive Public Transportation

You may decide to take the plunge and drive to the nearest strip mall/truck stop/village inn for libations. 5 hours and 3 too many drinks later you will start fumbling through Google Maps to locate yourself. Eventually, you will see that home is still 9.8 miles away. There is no bus/subway/cab home. Yes, your dad has to come pick you up.

Cheaper Prices

Pre-gaming before you go out suddenly becomes less important. Still Necessary, but less important.

People Just Want to Drink

Oh, wait...

Maybe this place isnt so bad

After All, Your Dollar Does Go Further in the Midwest

Which can have it's advantages

It Can't Solve Everything...

...but, it can do a lot.

You Could Use the Extra Spending Power to Update your Digs

For the same price as your current "cozy" apartment in NYC or LA...

...You Could Probably Buy a House as Big as This in Indiana or Iowa

I'm just stating the facts

So Don't Look at A Trip or a Move to the Midwest as a Jail Sentence

View it as a Long Deserved Vacation to Somewhere New and Exotic

Only, Instead of Palm Trees and Sand, there are Cows and Hay Barrels