1. Romeo and Juliet, by William Shakespeare
Hi luv, poison = fake, not dead IRL. NBD!
2. La Boheme, by Giacamo Puccini
Of course this doesn’t really solve the problem for the RENT crew 100 years later.
3. The Odyssey, by Homer
4. … and GPS
It could have been a great short story.
5. Hedda Gabler, by Henrik Ibsen
6. …and word processors
Even the worst-timed frozen screen is better than leaving your life’s-work hard copy manuscript in a brothel. The frozen screen probably won’t inspire both you and your ex-lover to commit suicide.
7. Rebecca, by Daphne Du Maurier
8. …and Facebook
Might have been helpful to check out the photos from the “Last Year’s Costume Party” album. That way, you probably wouldn’t show up to a party wearing the same outfit as your husband’s dead wife.
9. The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne
10. …and birth control
Might not have fixed the self-mutilating guilt issue, but definitely would have lessened the public disapprobation one.
11. The Oresteia, by Aeschylus
12. … and the boat engine.
No winds? No sacrifice? No problem! Just rev the engine and you’ll be across the Peloponnese in no time!
With motorized boats, Orestes would not have killed Clytemnestra for killing Agammemnon for killing Iphigenia for winds. There could have been a lot more people at Thanksgiving.
13. The Pearl, by John Steinbeck
14. …and pearl farming
Kino never had the opportunity to discover what Henry Plant realized after selling his Fifth Avenue mansion to Cartier for a string of pearls - they’re worth a lot less when they can just be manufactured. Definitely not worth tearing your family and your hometown apart for only one.
15. Of course, technology could also have had an adverse effect on some tales.
16. As with lightbulbs…
17. and Aladdin, by Disney
WTF is that elongated copper teapot, anyhow?