14 “Important” Things You Learn In College

Don’t worry, all of your parents’ hard earned money is being put to good use.

1. How to get ready for class in less than 5 minutes.

And sometimes even look this good…

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2. How to convince your parents that you need a little extra money that month.

…for “school supplies.”

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3. How to avoid doing laundry for much longer than socially acceptable.

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That shirt spent a long time airing out on your floor, so it’s pretty much clean again.

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4. How to survive off of a diet of alcohol, alcohol…and some more alcohol.

It’s the perfect addition to every situation.

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5. When you take a break from alcohol, how to survive off of a collection of the most unhealthy foods known to man.

“Is butter a carb?”

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6. How to avoid eye contact on campus with one night stands, exes, and that one girl you just really don’t like.

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And pretend you look as badass as Emma Stone while doing it.

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7. How to avoid household chores long enough that your roommate gets impatient and does them for you.

You’re really doing them a service. They’ll gain really great life skills as a result of your laziness.

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8. How to plan your classes/life around ideal napping times.

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You have to make up for all that napping you didn’t take advantage of in your youth.

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9. How to sneak a flask into any and all venues.

Because you quickly learn that you don’t have the money to buy drinks and remaining sober is not an option.

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10. How to take basic notes in class while also Facebooking, Tweeting, Snapchatting, Texting, etc. etc.

Production http://I.G / Via reddit.com

Because obviously everyone needs to know what you’re doing at all times of the day.

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11. How to take a class on something and emerge at the end of the semester still not understanding what the class was about.

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It is truly an art form.

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12. How to eat meals alone and not be self conscious about it.

You may even reach a point where most people bother you.

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13. How to make light of your pathetic (at times) life.

Because being alone/failing that exam/being publicly humiliated makes for a hilarious punch line.

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14. And most importantly, how to put as little effort as possible into every task ever.

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P.S. — The opposite gender will still be a complete mystery to you after these four years.

And will probably remain one for a long long time…

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