1. When he rested his head against this pillow.
Stop it, you’re making me plush.
2. When he shook his head wearing these sunglasses.
Can I be your aviatwhore?
3. When he had deep thoughts while biting this straw.
I’ll be the straw, you’ll be the tall drink of water.
4. When he sat on the side of the road while cradling this gun.
Strike me now, Cupid.
5. When he gently pet this dog.
Throw me a bone here.
6. When he looked totally unimpressed in this helmet.
The back of your head is ridiculous.
7. When he was completely over it while leaning on this desk.
Is that a pencil or are you just happy to see me?
8. When he clenched this sock.
Throw me in the hamper, I’m done.
9. When he locked lips with this pencil behind his ear.
Just the tip. You know, cause that’s the part behind his ear.
10. When he took a break to rest on the frame of this house.
Check out that wood.
11. When he lounged on this lawn chair.
I would even be that charred cooler.
12. When he sported this cowboy hat.
Save a horse, ride a Riggins.
13. When he held this glass.
And all other glasses in Texas felt inferior.
14. When he eyed this candle.
This little light is mine.
15. When he carried a baby while he carried this present.
Slap a bow on me.
16. When he was sitting next to this lava lamp.
And those dangling lights. And that green blanket.
17. When he had a deep moment on this pool table.
Cue the rally girls.
18. When he did push-ups on this astro turf.
Never thought you’d be jealous of astro turf did you?
19. When he was barely awake in these boxer briefs.
Keep your Hanes off me. Just kidding.
20. When he looked into the sun while laying on this couch.
Pleather never looked so good.
23. When he closed his eyes and drank this beer.
24. When he sat in the yard and drank this beer.
25. When he enjoyed the breeze and drank this beer.