1. People start mentioning ‘graduands’.
(Graduand: a student about to graduate.)
C’mon folks, there’s just no need.
2. It’s getting difficult to control your excitement… you’re about to get LETTERS AFTER YOUR NAME.
Look, ma, the alphabet loves me.
3. You feel vindicated against those who dared doubt your magnificence.
4. You’ve probably had to move home. Which is going… great.
Here lies your motivation to be a productive human being.
5. Heading out in your home town? Yeah, you’re really missing uni now.
The locals? *shudder*
6. You’ve had plenty of time to rediscover your old hobbies.
…but mostly sit flicking between Facebook, Buzzfeed and Twitter.
7. But you’re wondering if graduating means you’re finally ‘grown up’.
Hope not. Peter Pan would be so disappointed.
8. Everyone is talking about jobs, rent, finally becoming a functioning member of society…
Is there an emergency service for this?
11. …pinpoint the skills you’ve acquired over the years…
So many skills, so few which make you employable.
12. …and finally realise getting that dream career is going to be tougher than you’d like.
13. Nevertheless, armed with a fresh CV and cover letter, you hit ‘apply’ - only to be greeted by an online application form.
‘Please list all qualifications and previous work experience…’
THEY’RE. ON. MY. CV.