15. If you’re eating in a restaurant, you are the only table there and every staff member should wait on your table.
“Drop what you’re doing and get me what I need. Immediately. You work here, don’t you?”
14. …and nothing at the restaurant is ever good enough.
It could be a 5 star restaurant. Someone is still going to send their food back.
13. In fact, nothing is good enough around here.
This is ridiculous.
12. You are always first in line.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Were you in line? I didn’t see you right next to me.”
11. …and everyone in front of you needs to hurry up.
“What on earth is taking so long?”
10. No one is allowed to touch the children without wiping their hands with disinfecting wipes first.
“I just don’t want them getting sick.”
9. The family dog has a psychiatrist.
These actually exist.
8. The family dog is prescribed daily antidepressants.
Scrappy feels a lot of pressure to succeed.
7. …and family members steal the dog’s medicine.
“It’s harmless, really.”
6. Dogs are also better dressed than humans.
Summer outfits, fall outfits, boots, jackets, sweaters, hats…
5. Elderly people go grocery shopping at peak traffic times.
Oblivious to the concept of time, space, and speed.
4. Doormen can’t wait to go home because they hate their tenants
…and secretly wish that they trip walking up the stoop.
3. Every dad wears a shirt from the college he attended while pushing a stroller
A baseball cap and a blank, thousand-yard stare is also necessary attire.
2. Everyone loves eating “healthy” foods that are actually garbage
…because the storefront is adorned with bright colors and the kids love it.