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A Definitive Ranking Of Werewolves In Pop Culture

With just a handful of days left before season 4 of Teen Wolf takes off, it’s time for an overhaul of the werewolf database.

13. Teen Wolf (1985)

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer / Via axstv.tumblr.com

Hotness: 3. Sorry, Michael.
Wolf Power: 1. Apart from increased ups, a case of being hirsute, and the ability to rock a letterman jacket, he’s really got nothing.
Transformation: 4. Bonus points given for MJF looking like he’s about to sneeze the whole time.
Total points: 8

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer / Via youtube.com

12. Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” (1983)

MJJ Productions Inc. / Via threatened.tumblr.com

Hotness: 2. Sorry, other Michael.
Wolf Power: 2. Other than menacing his date, Wolfy MJ doesn’t accomplish much in 13 minutes.
Transformation: 6. Bonus points for being the only werewolf with whiskers.
Total points: 10

11. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Warner Bros. / Via geocities.ws

Hotness: 1. Not that we didn’t all have that sort of dad-crush on Remus, but that is one UGLY werewolf. Serious demerit, loss of style points.
Wolf Power: 4. Theoretically dangerous, but the gangly-factor again takes its toll.
Transformation: 6
Total points: 11

10. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

20th Century Fox / Via buffy.wikia.com

Hotness: 4. Younger and dorkier human Seth Green is cute, but no ladykiller.
Wolf Power: 5
Transformation: 5

Total points: 14

9. Red Riding Hood

Warner Bros. / Via werewolf-movies.com

Hotness: 7
Wolf Power: 7. Capable of whipping an entire village and taking out a horse? Yes. But secretly Billy Burke? Also yes.
Transformation: Unknown
Total points: 14

8. True Blood

HBO / Via very.fluffy.pw

Hotness: 9. It’s a little hit or miss with the rednecks, but Joe Manganiello makes up for all of it. And more.
Wolf Power: 5 Here they are, eating their fallen leader. If that’s not metal, what is?
Transformation: 2
Total points: 16

7. Hemlock Grove

Netflix / Via io9.com

Hotness: 4. Landon Liboiron is a cutie, but when you look at his brother, Bill Skarsgård doesn’t quite measure up.
Wolf Power: 4.
Transformation: 8. Wolfing in Hemlock Grove gets gnarly. If you need proof, watch the video, but be warned: it’s not for the faint of heart or weak of constitution.
Total points: 16

6. The Howling (1981)

Avco Embassy Pictures / Via jmountswritteninblood.com

Hotness: 2
Wolf Power: 7
Transformation: 7. Surprisingly cringe-worthy, considering that it was made in 1981.
Total points: 16

5. Teen Wolf (2011)

MTV

Hotness: 10. All hail Tyler Posey. And Dylan O’Brien. And don’t get me started on Tyler Hoechlin.
Wolf Power: 3. This is a tough one, because on one hand just look at him. Look how doofy he looks. His ears are just pointier and he has some putty over his nose bridge. But on the other hand, there’s also this…

4.

and this dude’s got some Wolf POWER.
Transformation: 4. When you really get down to it, it’s just a claw-pop and insertion of colored contacts.
Total points: 17

(I’m just gonna leave this here.)

3. Twilight (2008)

Summit Entertainment / Via fuckyeahjacobxnessie.tumblr.com

Hotness: 8. Taylor Lautner without a shirt on is what dreams are made of. I don’t care if you’re Team Jacob, Team Edward, or Team Kill Every Character in Their Sleep.
Wolf Power: 8. Conceivable or not, they can rip the heads off of creatures too invincible even to kill themselves, and that’s gotta be saying something.
Transformation: 3.
Total: 19

2. The Vampire Diaries (2009)

Hotness: 10. Michael Trevino shirtless, look it up.
Wolf Power: 6
Transformation: 10. All the bone-breaking and special effects of the Hemlock Grove transformation, without the feeling of nausea and slight compulsion to check up on your eye sockets.
Total points: 26

1. Van Helsing

Universal Pictures / Via djcblog.tumblr.com

Hotness: 10. Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman. Hugh JACKMAN.
Wolf Power: 10
Transformation: 9
If werewolves could be sexy, this werewolf would be the sexiest-yet-most-terrifying of them all. It is the head bitch in charge of all werewolves. It would kill you dead and you’d be sort of okay with it.
Total points: 29

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