christmas

The Definitive Ranking Of ’90s Christmas Movies

Ain’t no Christmas like a 1990’s Christmas posted on

13. Santa With Muscles

Year Released: 1996

Who’s In It: Hulk Hogan, Ed Begley, Jr., Mila Kunis

Synopsis: Hulk Hogan plays a mean millionaire businessman, who, after hitting his head, wakes up thinking he is Santa Claus. Eventually he has to save some orphans or something like that.

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: This movie is definitively bad and should probably not be re-watched, but It is Mila Kunis’ first movie.

12. Look Who’s Talking Now

Year Released: 1993

Who’s In It: Kirstie Alley, John Travolta, Danny DeVito, Diane Keaton

Synopsis: The third installment in the Look Who’s Talking Trilogy (Yes, apparently that is a thing), dogs talk to each other for about an hour and a half. The two most important dogs are Rocks (a mutt picked up at the pound and voiced by Danny DeVito) and Daphne (a show-quality poodle voiced by Diane Keaton).

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: Charles Barkley has a cameo.

11. Trapped In Paradise

Year Released: 1994

Who’s In It: Nicolas Cage, Jon Lovitz, Dana Carvey

Synopsis: Three brothers rob a bank in a really nice small town, crash a stolen car and unwittingly get invited to stay at the bank manager’s house; hilarity ensues.

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: Jon Lovitz told a group of NYU students that he thought the film was “shit,” but it is a Christmas movie with Nic Cage — so, Internet, rejoice.

10. I’ll Be Home For Christmas

Year Released: 1998

Who’s In It: Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Jessica Biel

Synopsis: Jake (JTT) is heading home from California to New York for Christmas, but gets dropped in the desert wearing a Santa suit. He has to travel coast-to-coast to get home because his dad promised him a Porsche. Also, his girl friend is Jessica Biel.

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: JTT Nostalgia

9. Jack Frost

Year Released: 1998

Who’s In It: Michael Keaton, Kelly Preston

Synopsis: After losing his father (Keaton), Charlie (Joseph Cross) plays a magic harmonica which brings his father back to life in the form of a snowman, which is trapped in the uncanny valley.

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: It’s a classic heart wrenching Christmas movie complete with magical (and slightly creepy) snowman.

8. All I Want For Christmas

Year Released: 1991

Who’s In It: Thora Birch, Lauren Bacall, Leslie Nielsen

Synopsis: It’s The Parent Trap with fewer twins and more jingle bells.

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: It was directed by Robert Lieberman, who was also the director of D3: The Mighty Ducks

7. Jingle All The Way

Year Released: 1996

Who’s In It: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad

Synopsis: Howard (Schwarzenegger) tries to buy a Turbo-Man for his son; hilarity ensues in this 89 minute long commercial for the Mall of America.

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: It’s the perfect send-up of Christmas shopping insanity.

6. Home Alone 2

Year Released: 1992

Who’s In It: Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Tim Curry

Synopsis: Home Alone : Home Alone 2 :: The Hangover : The Hangover, Part II

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: Tim Curry as Mr. Hector, the concierge at The Plaza.

5. Miracle on 34th Street

Year Released: 1994

Who’s In It: Richard Attenborough, Mara Wilson, Elizabeth Perkins, Dylan McDermott

Synopsis: A remake of the classic 1947 film, a man named Kris Kringle (Attenborough) is hired to play Santa Claus at a department store, but ends up in court, where ultimately it has to be proven that Santa Claus could be real and Kringle could be the man in the red suit as he claims.

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: Macy’s was not involved in the project (unlike the original). It’s fun to see the film-makers dance around the subject.

4. The Nutcracker Prince

Year Released: 1990

Who’s In It: Kiefer Sutherland, Peter O’Toole

Synopsis: Hans (Sutherland) is transformed into a nutcracker and has to defeat the Mouse King and win the heart of the girl, Clara, in order to become human again. It’s based on the same story as The Nutcracker by Tchaikovsky

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: It’s cheaper than tickets to the ballet.

3. The Santa Clause

Year Released: 1994

Who’s In It: Tim Allen, David Krumholtz, Judge Reinhold

Synopsis: After an accident where Santa Claus falls off the roof of Scott Calvin’s (Allen) house, Scott has to assume the role of Santa Claus. The following year he discovers that this also means his body changes seasonally.

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: Snarky Elves

2. Home Alone

Year Released: 1990

Who’s In It: Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci

Synopsis: When his family forgets him at home when they head on vacation for the holidays, Kevin (Culkin) has to confront a pair of bumbling home burglars (Pesci and Daniel Stern).

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: Slap stick comedy for days and John Candy as Gus Polinski, “The Polka King of the Midwest”

1. The Muppet Christmas Carol

Year Released: 1992

Who’s In It: The Muppets, Michael Caine

Synopsis: The Great Gonzo, as Charles Dickens, narrates the story of the classic late 19th century novella — rich, but shrewd money-lender Ebenezer Scrooge (Caine), after being visited by the ghosts of Christmases Past, Present and Yet To Come, wakes up a changed man on Christmas morning. Also, pretty much every other character is played by a Muppet.

Bonus points is you can make it through the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come segments without producing tears.

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: Rizzo The Rat

Honorable Mention

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Year Released: 1993

Who’s In It: Catherine O’Hara, Chris Sarandon, Greg Proops

Synopsis: The Nightmare Before Christmas could be a Christmas movie, but it is more often associated with Halloween. Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King of Halloween Town opens the portal to Christmas Town. He usurps the role of Santa Claus and eventually learns the true meaning of Christmas.

Reason Why You Should Watch It Again: It’s one of the best animated films of all time.

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