1. Are you a Steelers fan?
Short Answer: Yes
Long Answer: Sure, but there are also the Pirates and the Penguins… I really like them too. Furthermore, there is more to Pittsburgh than professional sports.
Tangential Answer: Can we not talk about the Steelers right now?
2. Isn’t Pittsburgh dirty?
Short Answer: No
Long Asnwer: Well it certainly used to be when we were cranking out steel and other manufactured goods for the rest of you, but since you started buying your steel from China, we are no longer “Hell with the lid off.”
Tangential Answer: Have you seen our skyline?
3. What is there to do in Pittsburgh?
Short Answer: Quite a lot
Long Answer: Well, we’ve got some great museums and Frank Lloyd Wright’s Fallingwater is just a short drive out side the city. We have a lovely amusement park. The restaurant scene is booming too. There are the sports teams, a symphony and theaters too. That, of course, just scratches the surface.
Tangential Answer: Well, you should come check it out for yourself.
4. Why are you always fracking?
Short Answer: It’s complicated
Long Answer: Well, I suppose the short answer is because it’s there, and the demand for energy is huge. That being said, we have always had a complicated relationship with fossil fuels in Western Pennsylvania - coal, petrol, natural gas - I’m not sure why this most recent iteration of the energy industry is any worse than coal mining, but this is by no means a black and white issue. It’s both good and bad.
Tangential Answer: Shouldn’t we be having a broader conversation about energy and energy policy rather than vilifying the places where the resources are?
5. Do you speak the… Pittsburghese?
Short Answer: I’m a bit of a yinzer, n’at
Long Answer: I know what “Kennywood’s Open” means, n’at.
Tangential Answer: Quit your nebbin’, n’at.
6. Do you know the one other person that I know from Pittsburgh?
Short Answer: Probably not
Long Answer: You do realize that Pittsburgh is a metropolitan area of 2.3 million people, right? Oh wait, him/her… Yeah, I know him/her.
Tangential Answer: I wish I knew Joe Manganiello.
7. Is that french fry sandwich a real thing?
Short Answer: Yes
Long Answer: Yes, they are from a restaurant called Primanti Brothers and they are delicious.
Tangential Answer: Don’t forget about the cole slaw.
8. How often do you go to Wawa?
Short Answer: Wa What?
Long Answer: Once when I ventured to Eastern Pennsylvania. I’ve heard that they are obsessed with it over there.
Tangential Answer: Eastern Pennsylvania is a whole different place. We have Sheetz here.
9. Are you ever going to stop talking about Pittsburgh?
Short Answer: No
Long Answer: It’s a great place; I am from there. I am going to keep talking about it because it is an important part of my existence.
Tangential Answer: Are you ever going to stop talking about New York/San Francisco/Boston/Denver/Chicago/etc.?
10. How far is that from Philadelphia?
Short Answer: It’s far
Long Answer: Pittsburgh is more than 300 miles from Philadelphia. Best case scenario, it will take 6 hours to get from one end of Pennsylvania to the other. Pittsburgh is not a suburb of Philadelphia, and I have no opinion on cheesesteaks.
Tangential Answer: Peace, Love, Turnpike
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