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How Congress Can Turn Things Around In 11 Easy Steps

Can the 113th U.S. congress win back the hearts of America? Probably not, but here’s how our lawmakers can become a little more popular than head lice.

Step 1: Have a cup of coffee and repeat these words:

Step 2: Actually, skip the coffee. You’ve got a lot of work ahead of you.

Step 3: Put on your thinking cap.

Step 4: Don’t let the polls get you down.

Step 5: Remember that bi-partisanship is hard.

Even in other countries.

So bring some treats to share with your peers.

And maybe you’ll steer clear of stuff like this.

Step 6: Do your best to engage the nation’s youth.

So equip yourself with the latest technology.

2. OK, maybe not.

Step 7: Keep your head in the game with some exercise.

But don’t go overboard.

On second thought, skip the gym.

3. Step 8: Listen to your constituents.

I mean, really listen to them.

OK, this is just ridiculous.

Step 9: Avoid distracting extracurricular activities.

Grab a disco nap instead. You’ll need it!

Step 10: Express yourself when you have the floor.

But don’t act like a clown.

And always know when to yield.

Step 11: Hire this kid. You’ll be glad you did when you fail miserably to pass meaningful legislation.

Good luck, and remember…

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

Senior Writer
Contact Dorsey Shaw at dorsey@buzzfeed.com
 
 
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