How Congress Can Turn Things Around In 11 Easy Steps

Can the 113th U.S. congress win back the hearts of America? Probably not, but here’s how our lawmakers can become a little more popular than head lice.

Step 1: Have a cup of coffee and repeat these words:

Step 2: Actually, skip the coffee. You’ve got a lot of work ahead of you.

Step 3: Put on your thinking cap.

Step 4: Don’t let the polls get you down.

Step 5: Remember that bi-partisanship is hard.

Even in other countries.

So bring some treats to share with your peers.

And maybe you’ll steer clear of stuff like this.

Step 6: Do your best to engage the nation’s youth.

So equip yourself with the latest technology.

2. OK, maybe not.

Step 7: Keep your head in the game with some exercise.

But don’t go overboard.

On second thought, skip the gym.

3. Step 8: Listen to your constituents.

I mean, really listen to them.

OK, this is just ridiculous.

Step 9: Avoid distracting extracurricular activities.

Grab a disco nap instead. You’ll need it!

Step 10: Express yourself when you have the floor.

But don’t act like a clown.

And always know when to yield.

Step 11: Hire this kid. You’ll be glad you did when you fail miserably to pass meaningful legislation.

Good luck, and remember…

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Senior Writer
Contact Dorsey Shaw at
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