oscars

25 Tips For Faking Your Way Through An Oscar Party

Haven’t watched the movies? No worries, you got this.

Let’s start with this one.

Paramount Pictures

1. Mention how Leonardo DiCaprio has been robbed too many times, and that this is his year.

Paramount Pictures

2. Start a heartfelt conversation about your first drug experience.

Paramount Pictures

3. Point out that Jonah Hill’s role in The Wolf of Wall Street required him to put back all the weight that he lost before Moneyball.

Paramount Pictures

Add that you wonder if that’s frustrating for him.

Moving right along…

Twentieth Century Fox

4. When someone brings up Lupita Nyong’o’s amazing performance, add that she’s also ridiculously gorgeous on the cover of W Magazine.

5. Bring up the conspiracy surrounding this Italian movie poster:

6. Learn how to pronounce Chiwetel Ejiofor’s name properly and then say it repeatedly in conversation.

Twentieth Century Fox

Next!

Warner Bros.

7. Complain that you didn’t see enough of George Clooney in Gravity.

Warner Bros.

Just don’t mention that you didn’t see him at all, considering you didn’t watch it.

8. Make a snarky comment about how Sandra Bullock could never meet the physical requirements to be an astronaut.

Warner Bros.

9. Point out that the making of Gravity was more enthralling than the movie itself.

Warner Bros. / Via geektyrant.com

And now…

Focus Features

10. Tell everyone how great Matthew McConnaughey is in True Detective.

Focus Features

Even if you haven’t watched the show.

11. Start the argument that Matthew McConaughey could quite possibly win an Oscar before Leonardo DiCaprio.

Focus Features

Then retreat for a refill and watch tempers flare.

12. Mention that everyone was just a little too thin for your liking in Dallas Buyers Club.

Focus Features

Then ask if anyone needs a refill on snacks.

Onward!

Warner Bros.

13. Mention that you really related to Her because you sometimes say goodnight to Siri.

Warner Bros.

14. Point out that before Scarlett Johansson became the signature voice, some other woman recorded those lines.

Warner Bros.

Then pray that no one asks you for that woman’s name.

15. Gush about the awesomeness that is “The Moon Song” by Karen O.

Warner Bros.

Who’s going to argue with you? No one, that’s who.

OK then. Next is:

Columbia Pictures

16. Point out that Jennifer Lawrence dances in American Hustle, so it’s bound to win something.

Columbia Pictures / Via youtube.com

Silver Linings Playbook ring a bell? (If you missed that one too, just know that there was dancing.)

17. Praise the miraculous physical transformation Christian Bale went through for American Hustle.

Columbia Pictures

18. Start a deep conversation revolving around the significance of Bradley Cooper’s hair.

Columbia Pictures

Moving on.

Columbia Pictures

19. Admit that you think Keith Richards was a scarier looking pirate.

Walt Disney Pictures

20. Claim that movies based on true stories get preferential treatment from the Academy.

Columbia Pictures

21. Argue that Captain Phillips should win if only to give Tom Hanks a new hood ornament.

Next:

Paramount

22. Talk about how Saul (Bob Odenkirk) is in this movie. Then start a full conversation about Breaking Bad.

Paramount

23. Bring up the road trip you’re planning with one of parents.

Paramount

Even if you’re not actually planning one.

24. Mention that a black and white film won in 2012, so Nebraska has a shot.

Paramount

At least there’s talking in this one. Right?

Finally…

The Weinstein Company

25. None of your friends saw this movie. If they did, they will only bring it up to be pretentious film nerds.

The Weinstein Company

But keep a plate full of snacks just in case. It’s hard to add commentary if your mouth is full.

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