1. For starters, there is a great tour of Sicily in The Godfather Part III.
This is only fun if you’ve somehow forgotten that you got a similar tour in Part I. And a back-in-time look at Vito Corleone’s hometown in Part II.
2. You’ll see an aged Diane Keaton.
3. Plus an aged Al Pacino.
4. And a severely aged Al Pacino.
5. There are flashbacks to earlier (better) parts of the saga.
6. You’ll see a conflicted Kay reminisce on good times.
And you will reminisce along with her as you recall how amazing the first two films were.
7. For example, remember how happy the Corleone family was in Part I?
Well just look at how, ehem, “happy” they are in Part III.
Maybe they knew what we later found to be true: everything looks better in hindsight. Especially while you’re watching The Godfather Part III.
8. Sofia Coppola acts super desperate in this film.
Which is 10% entertaining and 90% annoying.
9. You’ll develop a hatred for her so deep you will wish she was dead.
10. Part III takes us back to a time when Catholic leaders weren’t the best role models.
Pre-pre-pre-Pope Francis. Remember those days?
11. Wardrobe still doesn’t know how to dress Diane Keaton’s character.
Recall Part I.
Points for the hat, though.
Then Part II.
And Part III. See? This movie isn’t all that different from the other two.
12. Michael Corleone is sickened by regret, and you’ll feel the slightest bit bad for him.
Oh, no wait. His diabetes sent him to the hospital. Nevermind. #karma
13. Where do you think Mike Tyson got his most effective moves?
The Godfather Part III of course.
14. You’ll realize who is really pulling the strings.
Way to go Connie for finally getting your shit together.
15. What other movie shows someone giving a death order just before kneeling at the cross?
You get three guesses and the first two don’t count.
16. A boardroom full of greedy Dons are gunned down by masked men in a helicopter.
What’s better than that?
17. This movie even has lessons on making gnocchi the sexiest way possible.
And it IS sexy. Until you realize Vincent and Mary are cousins.
18. You’ll watch Andy Garcia become perhaps the hottest Godfather yet.
Oh, hang on.
Is it too late to take that back?
19. Maybe he wasn’t the hottest of the Godfathers, but this movie will remind you that Andy Garcia was once rather sexy.
20. Seeing the look on the priest’s face when Michael Corleone finally confesses his sins is reason enough to see The Godfather Part III.
“Your sins are terrible” = understatement of the century.
21. You’ll see Connie kill ‘em with kindness.
It’s hard to resist those cannolis, huh Don Altobello?
22. A man is murdered with HIS OWN GLASSES in this movie.
Does it get more gangster?
23. If you make it to the end, your Sofia-hatred will finally be satisfied.
Die with your distracting California accent! Good thing she directs better than she acts.
24. Plus, her death is followed by one of the most heartbreaking screams in cinematic history.
25. Above all, this film reminds us that a daughter should never be punished for her father’s mistakes.