Victoria Beckham’s Depressing Birthday "Cake" And Other Links

Posh Spice celebrated her 38th birthday by reminding everyone being thin has a high price.

Video chat has had the surprising side effect of causing a huge uptick in chin implants because we all just realized we have double chins. - [HLNTV]

This YouTube “No Cry Challenge” of the 19 saddest moments in video history is the best plan yet for discovering robots in our midst. If you don’t tear up, you revoke your human card. Immediately. - [DeathAndTaxes]

America has the saltiest food in the world. We win…shorter life spans! Huzzah? - [GOOD]

J.K. Rowling is working on a new “Harry Potter” book. I’ll just sit here patiently until your nerdgasm subsides. - [HollywoodReporter]

Michael Jackson’s bodyguard is requesting DNA testing to prove he is the actual father of Prince Michael “Blanket” Jackson. - [ExtraTV]

Be the enabler you wish you’d had when N*SYNC was all the rage by purchasing horrible One Direction Etsy products for your local teens. - [Teen]

The Himalayas give global warming the finger and let their lovely glaciers grow in size to the consternation of scientists. - [TheWeek]

Catholics ruin everything again by bullying “The Three Stooges” into removing Kate Upton in a wet nun-kini. - [CoedMagazine]

Hipster apocalypse movie under fire for killing two deer without a license. Getting permission to kill animals is too mainstream, man. - [Gothamist]

Headline Story: In case you ever feel jealous of Mrs. Beckham’s tiny post-baby body, just remember you can eat cake and it doesn’t even have to be your birthday. - [USMagazine]