J. D. Salinger Explained By Someone Who Has Never Read His Work

Everything I know about this guy came from pop culture osmosis. posted on

1. J.D. Salinger is a famous author that a lot of people read and/or claimed to have read…

The Associated Press / AP

2. In school because they had to.

3. Or in school because they wanted to look smart.

4. He wrote some book called “The Catcher In The Rye.”

Amy Sancetta, File / AP

5. Which might be about an entitled teenage baseball player standing in he middle of a wheat field?

6. Wait, no. I’m being told it’s about a broody red hat wearing prep school reject named Holden Caulfield…okay sure.

7. Salinger wrote Holdme Caulfield Tiny Dancer as a total Gary Stu anyone over the age of fifteen should be able to see through.

8. Holden Cauliflower is literally the worst. Worse than the protagonist of “Clockwork Orange” because at least Anthony Burgess understood his main character was an ass not to be sympathized with.

9. Also there’s a carousel for some reason?

Maybe representing the futility of life, circling around and around and never getting anywhere or some other shit a teenager would think is really deep?

10. Some people like Salinger better than Hemingway. We don’t talk about those people.

Can Salinger make you cry in six words? I don’t know but going with no anyway.

11. Because Hemingway was a drunk that invented six-toed cats so obviously he was better, wait getting off topic.

12. Salinger also wrote other stuff? Maybe? No one seems to care about that part.

13. JD probably stood for something but Wikipedia is like three clicks away and ughhh effort.

14. He was a total hermit because being a famous author in the 1950s was just like being Lindsey Lohan today and Salinger just couldn’t handle the public pressure.

15. But was also apparently pretty abrasive without the silver lining of being witty or cute.

So no big loss really.

The Story Factory, Paul Fitzgerald / AP

16. Salinger was briefly a Scientologist before they were called Scientologists so that probably explains a lot.

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