This Elaborate Fan Theory About "Labyrinth" Will Blow Your Mind

Why is the King of the Goblins abducting babies from teen girls anyway? Glam Damnit has spent a lot of time thinking about this. A lot.

1. Once upon a time, long ago, there was a sorcerer named Jareth.

He fell in love with a human girl named Sarah, and she with him.

2. But Sarah’s father and step-mother would not allow them to marry.

For then they would lose the servant and nanny for their beloved new baby.

3. In a fit of rage, Jareth kidnapped the infant and spirited it away to the fairy realm.

In this other world, Jareth turned the spoiled baby into a goblin in retribution.

4. Jareth also created a beautiful palace for his Sarah, one where she’d be treated like the Queen she was.

Sadly, time moved differently in the fairy world then the mortal one. By the time Jareth believed his new realm worthy of his love, his Sarah was long since dead.

5. Overcome by grief, Jareth descended into madness.

Grief gave way to denial. His Sarah could not be dead, but was in fact being hidden by her wicked step-mother! He must rescue her.

6. A common name, it doesn’t take Jareth long to find another dark-haired Sarah. Over and over again.

Ones with an unfair step-mother and unwanted younger sibling. Unable to reason, Jareth kidnaps the babies and the cycle repeats. Only this time, the Sarahs follow.

7. Some of the Sarahs complete their quest and win back their baby siblings.

Some of them die in the attempt. Completely unhinged Jareth turns children not recovered in time into goblins to join the ranks of his Sarah’s little brother.

8. Eventually becoming their God and King.

9. Only then does he build the Labyrinth.

He cannot fathom why his Sarah keep choosing the spoiled baby over his undying love but if can only keep her with tricks, so be it.

10. As the Sarahs solve the Labyrinth faster and faster, new distractions are added.

The junk yard of useless treasure, the Bog of Eternal Stench. If his Sarah is determined to stay only long enough to regain the child, Jareth will delay her as long as possible in the hopes one day, she’ll choose to stay.

 

11. But how does the story of Jareth become so garbled in the mortal world?

At least one lucky Sarah must have escaped — but not with the whole story — and over time her (or their) stories were turned into the fairy tale the most recent Sarah obsesses over with such devotion.

12. This is why when the most recent Sarah introduces herself to Hoggle, his response is the cryptic “That’s what I thought.”

Because of course she’s Sarah. They’re all Sarah.

13. Head canon accepted. Thank you, Glam Damnit.

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