5. You start just phoning it in at the back of the horde.
7. It boils your (congealed) blood to be cast as the villain when the humans are the ones stealing stuff.
8. It feels like every time things are going well, life just knocks you down.
10. You roll your one good eye at the newbies thwarted by those invisible forcefields.
11. You know there are tasty treats in places like this but gave up months ago.
Water and a ladder? Fuck that.
14. You’re totally over the daily lunch rush.
16. When the humans make a laughable attempt to fit in, you’re just too apathetic to call them out.
17. And you don’t even bat an eyelash when your friends suddenly drop undead (and not just because your eyelids rotted off last week).
18. But you recognize these guys and their limb craving maws of death for the threat to unlife they are.
Michigan DNR, Dave Kenyon / AP
19. Most days you feel like you’re surrounded by mindless idiots.
20. But hey it’s still better than the alternative, right?
In The News Today
- A judge ruled that the six Baltimore officers charged in the death of Freddie Gray, a black man allegedly killed by police in April, will have individual trials. ›
- Senate Democrats have secured enough votes to uphold the Iran nuclear deal when Congress votes on it later this month. ›
- Hundreds of Eurostar passengers moving between Britain and France were stranded for hours as people were seen on the tracks attempting to get through the tunnel. ›