20 Signs You’ve Been A Zombie Too Long

Braaiiiiiii - oh, forget it.

1. Every morning you wake up feeling like death…wait.

2. But now it’s really starting to get to you.

3. You remember when improvised zombie weapons looked like this.

4. Instead of THIS!

5. You start just phoning it in at the back of the horde.

6. When everyone else is attracted to the sound of gunshots.

7. It boils your (congealed) blood to be cast as the villain when the humans are the ones stealing stuff.

8. It feels like every time things are going well, life just knocks you down.

9. And no one notices when you do something nice.

10. You roll your one good eye at the newbies thwarted by those invisible forcefields.

Are…are you guys serious? Morons.

11. You know there are tasty treats in places like this but gave up months ago.

Water and a ladder? Fuck that.

12. You used to look like this chasing humans…

13. But now you’re more like…

14. You’re totally over the daily lunch rush.

15. Because now you have discerning taste in brains.

16. When the humans make a laughable attempt to fit in, you’re just too apathetic to call them out.

17. And you don’t even bat an eyelash when your friends suddenly drop undead (and not just because your eyelids rotted off last week).

18. But you recognize these guys and their limb craving maws of death for the threat to unlife they are.

Michigan DNR, Dave Kenyon / AP

19. Most days you feel like you’re surrounded by mindless idiots.

20. But hey it’s still better than the alternative, right?

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