20 Signs You’ve Been A Zombie Too Long

Braaiiiiiii - oh, forget it.

1. Every morning you wake up feeling like death…wait.

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2. But now it’s really starting to get to you.

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3. You remember when improvised zombie weapons looked like this.

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4. Instead of THIS!

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5. You start just phoning it in at the back of the horde.

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6. When everyone else is attracted to the sound of gunshots.

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7. It boils your (congealed) blood to be cast as the villain when the humans are the ones stealing stuff.

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8. It feels like every time things are going well, life just knocks you down.

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9. And no one notices when you do something nice.

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10. You roll your one good eye at the newbies thwarted by those invisible forcefields.

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Are…are you guys serious? Morons.

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11. You know there are tasty treats in places like this but gave up months ago.

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Water and a ladder? Fuck that.

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12. You used to look like this chasing humans…

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13. But now you’re more like…

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14. You’re totally over the daily lunch rush.

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15. Because now you have discerning taste in brains.

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16. When the humans make a laughable attempt to fit in, you’re just too apathetic to call them out.

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17. And you don’t even bat an eyelash when your friends suddenly drop undead (and not just because your eyelids rotted off last week).

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18. But you recognize these guys and their limb craving maws of death for the threat to unlife they are.

Michigan DNR, Dave Kenyon / AP
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19. Most days you feel like you’re surrounded by mindless idiots.

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20. But hey it’s still better than the alternative, right?

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