15. You know the excitement of a decent meal in Henderson.
Especially chicken nugget day. Also chicken taco day, spaghetti day, and any day when there isn’t a mystery meat involved.
14. The new drink machine is the BEST. THING. EVER.
You could make a million different drinks!
(I figured out how to make a combination that tasted like a strawberry daiquiri my freshman year.)
13. And then there’s the whole “bad tofu” thing in Hendo.
Seriously, there is a time and a place for tofu, but if you aren’t going to make it right, don’t even try. Tofu shouldn’t taste like toes, and there really are other protein choices you can offer to vegetarians and vegans. I promise.
12. Taking a class with Norris, Xu Lu, or Peters…
The responses range from, “What are you even saying right now??” to “Can you just shoot me instead?”
11. You imagine the business office ladies sitting in the back like this:
10. …Because you feel like this when you get your bill:
Why is this school so expensive? Are our diplomas printed with unicorn blood??
9. There’s never anything to do on campus
CPB plans things that are ridiculous. No one wants to go watch two guys juggle for two hours. I don’t care what they’re juggling. It loses appeal after about two minutes. Pick something 18-24 year olds want to see, for goodness’ sake!!
8. And everyone goes home on the weekends
This is especially obvious if you’re far from home…
7. The competition when the track team takes over the Cardio center in the FRC…
Better to just lift in the winter than compete for the treadmills…
6. You’ve wondered what your money is paying for when the dishwasher breaks down once a week
Isn’t my $40,000 enough to fix that dishwasher? Why am I still eating off of styrofoam?
3. You’ve avoided the Arch and/or the red dots on the sidewalks.
We all know it’s ridiculous, but who wants to take the chance? Ain’t nobody got time for that!
2. You know the real demographics of the school…
…The University of Findlay: where you’re Asian, a science major, a horse enthusiast, or really confused why you’re here.
1. But most importantly: You know what the real mascot of UF is.
The Freakishly Friendly Squirrels.