Put his parents in jail, then.
Nice! I’ve been turgid for Wonder Woman since Lynda Carter played her on TV. This actress should be a good fit.
This is what I show to people who refer to the NFL as “American Armoured Wankball”. At least our sportsmen don’t clutch their faces in pain when someone steps on their toes.
My Theory: Brian was driving the car that hit him. Stay with me on this one: Something terrible happened to Stewie, and it was Brian’s fault. Feeling guilty, Brian finds another time machine, goes back, and runs himself down to save Stewie. That was totally his Prius that demolished him.
Today I learned that there is a five year old who has better handwriting than I do.
Remember, in the event of a dildo, it’s company policy to never imply ownership. Always say, “a” dildo, never “your” dildo.
It sure is comforting to know he’s got the kind of free time it takes to work on something like this.
Achievement Unlocked: Jerked it to Bayonetta 2
Spend one day having external gonads, and then tell me how I should sit.
#9 I’d bet good money this is a page from “Joy of Cooking”
Suspension of disbelief. You know the rollercoaster is designed to be perfectly safe, but I bet you still put your hands up and scream in the loop-de-loop.
#5 Yes, I have a list. Now you have one extra person in line instead of seven, and my friends all get what they wanted. If you don’t like making sandwiches at your sandwich making job, the Army is always hiring.
Mmmm…. yoga mat…
I love the look on the guy’s face. “Are you guys seeing this? It’s not just me, right? I fncking LOVE that this is happening!”
Most of their sex tips qualify as sexual battery. Cosmo’s ideas of appropriate things to do to a penis are as well-informed as a ten year old boy who thinks girls pee out of their butts.
Apparently, geisha are Chinese now.
Scenes From an Italian Restaurant. If you pick that song, you should fall down the stairs with your hands in your pockets.
I don’t want anything that will shave hours off of my life.
AWs gonna AW.
Fine. Then stop calling the storage compartment of your car its “Boot”. Your car does not have feet. That’s the trunk.
That still leaves 50% A-Hole cat.
#1 Except that this is from a Demetri Martin joke. So, you might also find it written on the bathroom wall at Carlos Mencia’s house.
NEW AND IMPROVED JOKER PRODUCTS!
Incredibly stupid. He’s lucky the guy didn’t have the agates to pull the trigger.
I literally died laughing while reading this.
Every time I see yet another picture of her sticking her tongue out, or licking some random object, it reminds me of that anti-smoking commercial where the girl goes around town licking payphones and trash cans and such. That’s enough, Viley. Please go away now.
Britney calls women bitches. That officially makes it OK for me to do the same. Hooray!
Once AND a while? Go stand in the corner, Buzzfeed.
I think my favorite part is where the person who wrote their memoir at the worldly age of 25 called somebody else self-aggrandizing.
Even her boobs are trying to get away from her.
Sounds like SOMEBODY never had to learn how to deal with rejection. I’m guessing twenty hours together was enough time for the guy to recognize enough red flags to know he had a bunny boiler on his hands. Breaking up by text isn’t the classiest move, but at least he tried to let her down gently. That lady has some growing up to do.
“I’m sorry for my error in judgement. Here, have some deadly synthetic drugs.”
What kind of cynical shitheel does it take to pull a next-level dick move like that?
Many Shibe. Very dog. Such picture. Wow.
He should have slapped the kid who was recording vertical video.
Any time you hear someone start a sentence with, “I swear I’m not racist, but…” brace yourself to hear something incredibly racist.