1. You’re not British, but your interior monologue has a British accent.
And at one point, another voice pops in to say, “Why the hell are you talking like this?”
2. And you find ways to slip Regency lingo into everyday conversation.
Words like “incandescently,” “positively,” and “indubitably,” to the chagrin of your friends (also “chagrin”).
3. You’ve learned how to play at least some piano so that you too can be “genteel.”
A basic rendition of “Chopsticks” is sufficient for any lady.
4. You often lament that you “should have been born in the nineteenth century.”
Perhaps forgetting the disease, despair, and bad dental hygiene that you’d surely face if you were born into anything other than the upper-class.
5. You obsessively rewatch all of the adaptations, both modern and classic.
And you know which one matches which.
6. And have stood in front of the television trying to memorize their wicked complicated dances.
It would be easier to figure out how they always end up with a different partner if you weren’t practicing with your cat.
7. You spend hours each day thinking about how you’d decorate your sprawling English manor.
“Should I have swans or peacocks in the pavilion?”
8. You wish you owned hundreds of old, leatherbound books whose yellow pages crumble to dust as you turn them.
OK, so maybe they’re too delicate to actually read, but they’d make a beautiful library.
9. You’ve browsed online for a creepy, full-length night gown.
Perfect for wandering around the house in the middle of the night with a wax candle and scaring the bejeesus out of everyone.
10. You actually have an ink, quill, and wax seal set.
And write long letters…to yourself.
11. You find yourself impulse buying antique tea sets.
And you dream of the day when you can invite your friends to fancy afternoon tea and actually use the milk saucer and the sugar bowl.
12. You have tried to create an elegant updo and ended up looking like Medusa.
13. You have seriously contemplated buying a bonnet.
Society be damned! You will not be hemmed in by arbitrary fashion rules!
14. Studying abroad=England.
Where you imagine you’ll run around the moor until your true love appears.
15. You’re inordinately attracted to men in vests and/or breeches.
Nothing quite as hot as slipping off those sexy suspender belts. You can leave your hat on.
16. Or women in high-waisted dresses and/or petticoats.
So much clothing, so many layers, and yet the heaving bosom is exposed.
17. Your ideal man is a wealthy, emotionally-stunted snob.
Just look at him struggling to show human feeling. SO ADORABLE.
18. Preferably one who glowers at you intently from across a room.
Nothing gets you going like a smoldering gaze from a floppy-haired brooder.
19. You daydream about proudly spurning the proposals of several suitors.
Ideally, in the rain.
20. And of being pursued by two equally gorgeous gentlemen.
One of whom turns out to be a mercenary rake.
21. This is your version of porn:
It may or may not have a toll on your real love life.
22. And the absolute height of romance is stiff and complicated confessions of love.
Because it’s not real if it’s not long-winded.