Old but always made me chuckle… ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
everyone was getting laid, even the mouse.
With Ma in her whore house and dad in jail,
I had just settled down for a nice piece of tail… When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from bed see what was the matter.
I threw open the shudders and threw out the hash,
tripped over my boner and busted my ass. And out on the lawn but what should appear
but a rusty ol’ sleigh, and 8 fucking reindeer.
Out of the sleigh jumped a big, fat dick…
and I knew in an instant it must be St. Prick. “To the top of the roofs, to the top of the walls,
on you bastards before I cut off your balls!”
He came down the chimney like a bat outta Hell,
and I knew for a fact the poor fucker had fell. He filled the stockings with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
Then he rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
that son of a bitch, he blew the damn thing apart! And he cursed and he swore as he rode out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all … Fuck you, good night!”