#3 also works using a butter knife instead of a staple remover.

I know! I really want to play the Game of Life: Dog’s Edition.

No, it wasn’t when he was sick that E.T. was really terrifying. It was when he was screaming and had his neck stretched way out.

In all fairness, God really shouldn’t have been in the platform in the first place. This is not a theocracy.

What, it wasn’t horrible enough with babies?

OMG Magic Eye. No matter how hard I tried, I could not (and still can’t) for the life of me manage to come even close to seeing anything at all in those stupid colorful patterns.  And no, don’t try and say “oh, you have to relax your eyes” or “you have to look at it cross-eyed.” Believe me, I’ve tried. No matter what, all I ever manage to see is a migraine-inducing mess.

#4: Note that even the dog is ashamed of his (?) owner’s unfashionable footwear.
#5: And do I ever miss those bright do-it-yourself html wallpaper backgrounds.
#9: The old layout was clearly better. I’m getting nostalgic for days of internet past just looking at it.

Hey, some of us actually liked back-to-school shopping when we were kids. Okay, and still do now as college students.

I don’t think it’s really fair to point and laugh at the baby for having an extra thumb. There was probably no genetic screening for polydactlyly, and the condition is generally harmless on its own (not as part of a syndrome). However, giving a baby sugared soda (though diet would also be horrible, as both erode the enamel) of any kind is just inexcusable. That is dooming the child to a life of type 2 diabetes and tooth decay.

Perhaps Malik should invest in a RealDoll.  It’s pretty much the only way he’s going to find something even close to a woman (albeit an inanimate one) fitting that exact description.