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23 Things Everyone Who Works In Financial Services Will Understand

Why does the balance sheet never balance?

1. You care more about the colour schemes in your spreadsheets than in your own home.

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2. But it’s not like you use your home for anything but heating up M&S ready meals anyway.

3. Quarterly reporting means that you hate your job four times more often than anyone else.

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4. Nothing is more infuriating than when your balance sheet won’t balance.

5. Except when your cash flow is a no-flow.

6. Auditors are the bane of your existence.

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7. Unless you are an auditor, in which case everyone else is the bane of your existence.

8. You’ve started thinking exclusively in debits and credits.

9. And you don’t understand why no one else gets pivot tables.

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10. This makes sense to you.

11. You get unreasonably excited by new versions of Excel.

12. And you suspect you may know more acronyms than anyone else on this planet.

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AIFMD, FATCA, ISAE3402, SAS70…

13. You have a special kind of hatred reserved for people who work 9am-5pm.

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14. Especially when it’s 1am and you can’t work out which way round the hedge is supposed to be.

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15. You have no idea what any of the Partners do all day. But you suspect it’s nothing.

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16. Although none of your friends understand what you do…

17. … they always assume you can reduce their tax bill.

18. When you call your parents to catch up, all they want is investment advice.

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19. You judge everyone who isn’t in the same accounting institute as you.

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20. And you feel like a wanker every time you refer to a kitchen as a “breakout area”.

21. You consider the verb “to fudge” the real F-word.

22. Your use your IFRS manual as a door stop.

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23. And despite it literally being your job, you have no idea where any of your money goes.

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