Davine S.
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    • Davine S.

      About 10-12 years ago, Sky News did a piece about where all our recycled waste ends up. It showed how we (in the West) throw things into the recycling which then get shipped away on huge carrier ships to countries like Bangladesh for sorting. The workers - including children - in those facilities have to sift through our crap; there are so many carcinogens in the air, and they’re not given proper safety equipment. Besides which, the cost (in carbon footprint and money) of transporting the waste negates the point of recycling. The reporter picked up an envelope and said “I just found a bill here… it’s addressed to a Mr. Joseph Blackman of 216, Main Street, Fulham”. (I made that name and address up, but they didn’t - they showed it to the camera.) They were attempting to show how far the pile of waste had travelled, but it was completely unnecessary to *out* this guy who was just doing his civic duty by recycling his waste. It was like they were blaming that specific person for the horrible conditions of the place, as if he even knew about it. Many of us do our best to be respsonsible citizens of the world - it’s not necessarily within our control where the recycling ends up, and we shouldn’t be doxxed for at least trying. I sent them an email calling them out about it at the time, and I got a “sorry if you were offended” non-apology. I hate that their broadcasts are so quick to violate the privacy of individual citizens - it’s tacky, to put it extremely mildly. It seems like all TV “journalism” is going this route, now; if they’re not quoting random people on twitter as “sources”, they’re making extremely unethical decisions live on air, just to fill airtime.

    • Davine S.

      I’m in a long-distance relationship: 5,000 miles apart, 8-hour time difference, disconnected work / sleep schedules, and never enough money or vacation days. It’s a LOT to deal with, but it’s also the happiest, healthiest, most fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had. I’ve done an LDR before and swore I never would again, but it turns out it just wasn’t with the right person. We’ve managed so spend time together 3 times over the last 11 months, and we know that this relationship is *it* for us. Regarding this list of questions, I think it’s much harder to deal with ambivalence or disinterest. A couple of my family members don’t think to ask about my boyfriend very often, so I have to be the one to mention him, and I end up sounding like a teenager with a crush. I find that really hard to deal with; this is a guy I’m very serious about and am planning a life with, so while I can’t be with him, I’d love the chance to talk about him sometimes. Plus, on the days when it’s exceptionally painful to be apart, it’s important to be able to rely on family & friends to get you through - being taken seriously as a couple is a huge comfort on those days. TL;DR: I’m less annoyed by questions like this and more grateful when people show an interest in my happiness. No.14 and No.21 are tough questions, though. I haven’t seen him in 5 months and have no current plans/opportunities to see him, so those are painful topics. :(

    • Davine S.

      I did the same exact thing, VAd. I was so happy for her and amazed by her courage, and I felt like she would definitely beat the cancer and take on the world. Then the in memoriam card came up and it was like being sucker-punched… I burst into tears instantly. God, I have tears in my eyes now just thinking about it.  It’s such an important message to get regular PAP smears and check-ups, and never, ever ignore an instinct you might have about your body. It can be daunting to go and get checked for things because you’re afraid of hearing the worst - I’ve had a false-positive result for abnormal cells before, which was pretty nerve-wracking - but it’s a million times better than delaying treatment so that you can stay in denial.  As far as I remember, Margo was pretty quick with all of her doctor’s visits when she first started noticing problems, which is all the more reason why it’s essential to act fast. It’s our best chance at a full recovery.

    • Davine S.

      The first image is photoshopped. I made this comparison image the last time I saw this on Buzzfeed, which was a couple of years ago; the real photos are on the bottom.  They do look like they could be father and daughter, but the photoshop job puts Emma’s lips and eyes on Richard’s face (as well as smoothing out most of his wrinkles) while cloning his naso-labial folds on her face. Don’t take everything you see on the internet at face value.

    • Davine S.

      ME TOO. I ended up reading her entire blog that night, from the diagnosis to the wedding to the end of her life, and I absolutely bawled. The most gut-wrenching part was how much she and her husband had been looking forward to having their own children, and she was realising that would be impossible - it seemed more upsetting to her than some of the really terrible parts of the cancer and treatments. I ached for her. Then I told my mum about it the next day and burst into tears all over again. :(  (http://bamitgirl.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/not-a-goodbye/)

    • Davine S.

      You can’t have this list without the bride herself saying “I want to look like a princess / I don’t want to look like a princess” and “I feel like a bride in this dress / It’s a beautiful dress, but I don’t feel like a bride in it”.  The consultant saying the following tired lines with almost no deviation: “Hiiiii, you must be [bride’s name], congratulations!”, “So, tell me about your fiance”, “How would you like to look on your wedding day?”, “Is this your first time trying on dresses?” and “Is there a price-point we’d like to stay around or under?” There are frequently brides who think they want multiple dresses. There’s almost always at least one really heart-wrenching story per episode. There’s often a bride who has lost a lot of weight and is struggling with her new body image (I really like those episodes because it’s usually less about the $$$$ and more about self-acceptance). I hate when they let Pnina come over when the bride is consulting her guests - that would be so intimidating and would really make you feel pressured into pretending you loved her stupid tacky dresses. Full disclosure: I am addicted to this show, and I’ve been re-watching on Netflix even though I’ve seen most of them before. (I’m never going to have a flashy wedding, so it doesn’t hurt to live vicariously.) It’s interesting to Google the featured brides to see if they ended up wearing the dress they picked on the show - they often have blogs, and I’ve seen quite a few talking about how warped the editing is (not that this would come as a surprise to the savvy viewer, but it’s kind of a bummer to think of their special moments being spun like that.) Most of them say that the staff at Kleinfelds are really nice and invested in the brides, it’s just the TLC production teams that make the experience unpleasant. This list would’ve been a lot more fun with more representative gifs, though. Endless lists get to be really dull after about 10 items.

    • Davine S.

      Where it says that 4 people “printed out a photo” of a runner’s bib, how did they get access to that photo? Did she post a picture of herself in advance of the race? (I assume they change the design for each year, so I can’t imagine it being from a photo of last year’s marathon. That would be a HUGE security risk if they kept the same design every year.) My point being: maybe runners should be discouraged from posting photos of their bib prior to race day. I’m not suggesting that they’re at fault for these frauds, but it’s kind of like me holding up my credit card and saying “Yay, I got accepted for an AMEX!” - you should at least obscure the number and maybe half of the design.  I’m sure this risk doesn’t even occur to someone who got their number legitimately because they got it legitimately, and therefore they don’t think like a cheater, but it doesn’t hurt to be internet savvy to try to prevent this kind of abuse of the system. There’s such wonderful sportsmanship in marathons. I’m not a runner but I cheered a marathon once and it was incredibly uplifting. It’s bizarre to me that anyone would corrupt that sense of personal achievement and honour and still want to take part in the race under false pretences. Look at the “Free Hugs” guy from the Boston Marathon the other day - he missed qualifying by 23 seconds, but he didn’t sneak his way in like these people. He showed up and cheered everyone else on, like a person with honour should do. That’s the kind of dignity that Dennis and Chelsa clearly lack, no matter how fit they are and how important it was for them to run this year. I’m sorry for what they experienced last year, but weath doesn’t make it okay for them to behave as though the rules don’t apply to them.

    • Davine S.

      Absolutely. If I was caught in a lie like this, I would be so mortified, I’d delete every last mention of my participation in this fraud. (Except that I wouldn’t knowingly do something like this in the first place). If I take a picture with flash in a “no flash photography” area, I delete the picture even if nobody saw and even though it’s too late to undo the flash!  These people have ZERO remorse. They posed for so many photos and broadcast their wrongdoing without even having the intelligence to cover the bib number. Their apologies are all hollow “the rules are different for us” bullshit. I’m not saying they need to be publicly flayed, but there’s no way they should get away with it scot-free, because there are such security concerns and it’s a slap in the face for the people who actually respect the rules.

    • Davine S.

      I think Buzzfeed is just trying to pick the winning horse, to ensure the most possible pageviews. Jezebel was already writing extensively about the very solid accusations against Richardson while BF were still fawning over him and posting everything he did, because that’s what was getting the most clicks at the time. (Admittedly Jezebel have been extremely hypocritical in this regard too - for every exposé they wrote, there were 3 or 4 neutral-toned posts about his projects.)  It’s worth googling a few of the stories to make up your own mind about the situation. I’m completely in support of people doing that, and even if he was found not guilty in a trial, I would have to accept that. But as I pointed out in my second post above, his lack of professionalism alone is enough reason to stop giving him jobs. Models should be allowed to feel safe at work, and by his own admission, he refuses to offer that.

    • Davine S.

      There’s a slew of people clamouring to point out that Richardson hasn’t been charged with anything [yet], which must mean he’s still a candidate for Most Awesome Guy Ever. I disagree. His lack of professionalism alone is justification for big companies not to associate themselves with him, even if you put no credence in the dozens of complaints made against him.  Here are some of the things that Richardson himself says with no apology, in the context of discussing photoshoots (which frequently feature young or underage models.) It’s not who you know, it’s who you blow. I don’t have a hole in my jeans for nothing. Some people think those images are funny and love them, and some people think they’re degrading to women. And those are great reactions to get, because the same people who are saying that are secretly taking dumps on people or like to drink piss or whatever: Everybody has their trips. I used to always want to shoot nudes, but when I’d say to models, “Hey, do you want to do this?” they’d be like, “No way, why don’t you get naked?”… So then I got this idea that since I’d always got worked up and would, like, pop a boner when I was shooting women that maybe they’d get more into it if I let them start shooting me. So now I’ve got all of these rolls of myself where I’m being ordered around by women while they take nudes of me… That first quote is the most important. It’s an unequivocal, remorseless admission that he uses his position of power over models to coerce them into performing sexual favours for him. That’s from his own mouth, and it’s perfectly disgusting even if there were no reports of him following through on it. This is not just a rockstar / groupie scenario; he is their boss. He can get them fired from a shoot if he tells their agency they were difficult to work with. Can you imagine if a famous director or TV presenter said “it’s not who you know, it’s who you blow”? Stephen Spielberg? Christopher Nolan? Jimmy Fallon? Stephen Colbert? The President?  It shouldn’t be any more acceptable for Terry Richardson to abuse his position of power than it is for ANYONE do to that; that’s why sexual harrassment laws exist. It’s especially disgusting when you consider how young the models frequently are, and how many of them are manipulated into thinking that this is their only shot at success. It’s classic abuser behaviour and a casting-couch cliché, but go ahead and dismiss all those models’ testimonies if that’s what you choose. I’m fully prepared to let Richardson have his day in court, and I hope that day comes sooner rather than later, but there’s no reason why companies and the media should keep giving him free publicity when his own words reveal that he’s a sexual harrasser at best.

    • Davine S.

      Thanks, rgoodwin! I was bracing myself for a lot of “tl;dr” repsonses, which would usually put me off speaking up with this level of depth, but this subject is way too important to shrug off. A huge proportion of the site’s readership is young women, but Buzzfeed have been apologists for this predator for years, which has helped him to continue abusing his power without repercussions. It’s not okay for Buzzfeed to jump on the disapproval bandwagon now and pretend that there’s no hint of hypocrisy in that. Thanks for your support, I really appreciate it.

    • Davine S.

      I find this whole turnaround from Buzzfeed very interesting, and by “interesting”, I mean “nauseatingly predictable”. A couple of years ago, there was a span of time during which there were at least 2 or 3 Terry Richardson posts on Buzzfeed every week. If it wasn’t the latest ad campaign by him, it was photos he had taken with Jared Leto, Lady Gaga or any of the other sycophants he surrounds himself with. Thumbs up, vacant eyes, it was just good ol’ “Uncle Terry”, that lovable rogue. These articles were almost entirely authored by one staff member.  Every time a Terry Richardson article was posted by her, it was presented with effusive comments regarding his celebrity status, fame and “talents”, with not even the briefest acknowledgement of the allegations against him - either by her or by anyone at Buzzfeed. So each time I saw one of these articles, I directed the author’s attention to the increasing mass of credible testimony against his predatory behaviour, including that of successful models like Coco Rocha who had nothing to gain (but a lot to lose) by staking those claims. I was ignored. Feeling unheard, and in anticipation of this very turnaround, I eventually gave up and boycotted Buzzfeed entirely for more than 6 months, only visiting occasionally after that time. I’m sure this can be corroborated if staff have the ability to go further back in my comments and activity than I can.  I had been a daily contributor up to that point, but I was not comfortable being complicit in something that I found utterly hypocritical, repulsive and dangerous. Mine were not the only dissenting comments, but the voice of the community was unacknowledged. In my parting remarks, I pointed out that one day the tide would change about Richardson and that there’d eventually be enough smoke for even Buzzfeed to stop denying that there’s likely a fire. I am a firm believer in “innocent until proven guilty”, but I also think it’s highly inappropriate to give so much publicity to someone with such questionable ethics — reprehensible even by his own absurdly unapologetic admissions.  There’s a reason why people like Jimmy Savile, Jerry Sandusky and Terry Richardson are in the position to abuse their power: the rest of us let it happen. I did my best to make a small impact in this case by speaking up, sharing informative links, encouraging Buzzfeed to take responsibility for their actions, and subsequently boycotting Buzzfeed and all Richardson-related articles, to little avail.  I rarely take such a public stand on anything, but Buzzfeed owes its readers an apology. At the same time that you were ignoring solid evidence for the sake of clickbait posts, you were trying to reinvent yourselves as “serious” journalists, but now that it’s trendy, you’re trying to pretend that you were against Richardson’s behaviour all along. You can’t have it both ways. You have had just as much of a role in Richardon’s fame - and therefore his abuses of that fame - as any of the companies you’re attempting to shame with this list. Step up and take responsibility for your own behaviour.

    • Davine S.

      Three words: Totem Lake Mall.  It’s a dingy, mostly-closed mall, just outside Seattle. It’s even more tragic that it’s not fully abandoned, because it acts like it is. There’s a Facebook page called “Totem Lake Mall in Kirkland is one of the 5 creepiest places on earth!”, which is an accurate description, and the Yelp page has gems like this:  “I love this mall. It has two businesses: a mattress store and a Christian book store. One stop shopping! It also gives off a creepy “Am I supposed to be in here” vibe. I’m still hoping Old Country Buffet will come back, then you could truly call this mall fun for the whole family!” (5 Stars) [Photo credit: Kevin C, at Yelp]

    • Davine S.

      Ahh, Marvellous! Please reassure Mrs. Blig that I actually did minimal stalking. Anything I found was directly from a cursory scan of your Buzzfeed page: the link to the donations site, your twitter handle, and the link you posted to her FB page the other day. No extreme creepiness was required! And thank her for passing along the message.  Yeah, I know exactly what you mean about Livestrong. It’s a great shame; his hubris did so much harm to something that was a really powerful campaign. I’ve done many a google search for some medication side-effect, symptom or concern and have often landed on their website; the advice is always top-notch, always very measured and not hysterical like so many of the other medical sites. It’s important for people to view the organisation as separate from the man who started it; it has surpassed his initial involvement, which I think even he would admit. It was good that he stepped down. Anyway, my brother lives in Philly and my best friend lives in JC, so I had more than enough little inspirations to want to give you some moral support!  I have so many things I could say about HIMYM, but I’m still too [all sorts of feelings] about it! I mean… just… BLARGHH. I understand what they were trying to do, but it seems to me that they wanted to have their cake, destroy it, and then eat it too. It was waaay too much crammed into too little time, and it did us an injustice after 9 years of loyalty and investment. Having said that, I always try to be respectful of the decisions made by the creatives, so I’m trying very, very hard not to grind my teeth too much about it. (I never even complained about the Lost finale!)  I’m more upset that Barney’s predatory misogyny seemed to get progressively worse instead of better over the recent seasons than I am about the ending; being in committed relationship should’ve been a good influence, but Robin was often an enabler to his sleaziness. Society has had a fairly major shift against slut-shaming and PUA bullshit in recent years (thank goodness), so it quickly became dated when they kept pushing those same storylines beyond 2009 or so. [One of the episodes that really horrified me was when he had the bed that would flip into the wall, tossing his previous conquest aside. He didn’t even know where they ended up after he hit the button - they were *literally* disposable to him. It aired the same week as the Cleveland kidnapping victims were freed last year, which made it particularly chilling and downright harmful.] I was very glad that there was that tiny redemption in the hospital, but it was just two minutes of reprieve, too damn late.  Oh, it looks like I could say some of my “things I could say” after all! (I’m trying not to go megaspoilery on it, either way. I had the finale spoiled for me by the internet and I don’t want to do that to someone else.)  Well, I’m delighted to have caught up with you and rest assured that whenever I pop back to find out “Which ’90s Heartthrob I Should Have Dated”, “Which Victorian City I Should Actually Live In” or “What Japanese Emoticon Am I, Really”, I’ll chuckle heartily at your comments as always. You know where to find me now, so if your family’s travels ever extend to the capital city of the country where I live (see FB message), I’d be delighted to make your acquaintance!  ~DS

    • Davine S.

      therblig. I need to talk to you. After 10 months of being “clean” from Buzzfeed commenting, I logged in specifically to say the following things: - You are one of the best things about this place (which I realise isn’t the highest of praise since Buzzfeed devolved into a lowest-common-denominator pool of listicles, quizzes and trolls, but it’s a good thing nonetheless).  - I consistently laugh or *aww* at anything you write.  - Your puns are groanariffically hilarious.  - I love that you can diffuse the tension of a difficult subject, and never at the expense of the victim. This is a deft skill and, in my opinion, the highest form of comedy.  - Most of all, I love how you speak about your wife and the experience of fatherhood with such respect and affection. You’re never overt about it, but the tenderness comes through and it makes me so glad that your family exists. Please pass on my regards. That’s all. I haven’t been commenting in recent times because I don’t think there’s the same community spirit here that there once was; I’m too sensitive to get tangled up with trolls, and I don’t want to devote time to conversations that can’t really go anywhere. But I broke my self-imposed ban temporarily to post this because goddamnit, there’s more than enough negativity in the world already and it’s nice to pass along some nice thoughts when they occur to a person. It costs nothing, so I’d rather do something that will hopefully make someone smile than keep it to myself or (heaven forfend) say something nasty to someone else.  Keep on doing what you do. The world needs of therblig and therblig’s clan in it.

      awwwww
    • Davine S.

      Ifyouforget (Buzzfeed won’t let me post replies on my iPod for some reason) I wanted the same thing. It’s way too easy for people to hunker down in their bigotry and xenophobia when an incident happens that “proves” their theories (even though they overlook all the signs to the contrary, like how millions of Muslims exist alongside them in peace and harmony.) I hate that this is the outcome; things will get much worse, much faster than if it was just some homegrown violent entity.

    • Davine S.

      Destiny the Don reposted that image from James [@RomanxSlays] where it was originally posted on March 22nd with the caption “Friday Photoshoot”. I can’t swear that it originated with that person either, or if it’s them in the photo. The avatar is Nicki Minaj, and all of the photo posts [some NSFLife] are RTs or photo gags. Nor is it clear whether the man in the hospital bed is still alive or if he’s even a relative of “James”.  Judging by how classless James’ other tweets are and the fact that there is still only 1 image result for the hospital photo on TinEye, I’d say it’s possible. But since most of James’ images are of other people, I can’t imagine the same person being attention-whorey enough to do this “photo shoot” as their only self-portrait. (There’s this - NSFW - with the caption “Me”, but I doubt it’s them, especially considering that James sounds like a guy.) In conclusion, this is not my fucking job.

    • Davine S.

      This is fucking disgusting for reasons that probably don’t need to be stated. I despair.  However, for clarity: I clicked on Destiny the Don’s twitter feed and she is not the one in the photo. She posted it, she reposted it, she’s loving the attention she’s getting, and she thinks it’s hilarious. All of those qualities are all reprehensible. But she’s not the girl in the photo, which is the opposite of the impression I got from this Buzzfeed post.  Buzzfeed, you need to amend your post to reflect that fact (which took me all of 2 minutes to find out for myself), because frankly, giving this 2nd girl attention is just adding another layer of “gross” to the whole situation, since she’s enjoying it so much.

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