1. Let’s be honest, it’s been so long you’ll probably end up looking like this:
3. Or you’ll get tangled in a web of disappointment like this:
11. And you’re especially not safe if you live with a cat:
12. You think you’re an expert? You’ll probably still end up looking like this:
14. “But what about swimming? That sounds much, much safer!” THINK AGAIN, NUMBSKULL:
15. And if you’re a 275-pound man who thinks skateboarding is a good way to exercise…think again:
16. And don’t even get me started on treadmills. Dangerous, dangerous treadmills:
20. Did you know that treadmills are actually programmed to embarrass you?