1. By creating corporate loopholes for companies that put chains in the way of EVERYTHING.
ID: 882446
2. By signing a bill into law that makes grills extra slippery.
ID: 882473
3. By SOMEHOW allowing cookies to get bigger than the glasses they are meant to be dunked in.
ID: 882143
4. By outsourcing hat factories, thus preventing the production of quality hats.
ID: 882447
5. By instituting a ban on electric pencil sharpeners, resulting in a deformed pencil epidemic.
ID: 882141
6. By putting banana peels on fashion runways.
ID: 882451
7. By continuing conflict not only in the Middle East, but also with the d-bag neighbors from across the street.
ID: 882472
8. By forcing all Slurpees to resemble the horrible, sad, disappointing bottom Slurpee section.
ID: 882144
9. By allowing good old-fashioned American trays to be replaced by these wonky Chinese ones.
ID: 882470
10. By refusing to acknowledge our country’s very serious soda-rolling problem.
ID: 882469
11. By turning a blind eye to the very real danger that is ice cream that’s frozen too hard.
ID: 882145
12. By making it much harder to kick a sign when you’re just feelin’ a little peeved.
ID: 882452
13. By conspiring with the liberals in Congress to make all sandwiches land face down in the worst situations.
ID: 882445
14. By cutting back funding on the nation’s superhero initiative, thus leaving the role of Spider-Man to this bumbling idiot.
ID: 882448
15. By forcing this dude to eat his facial hair.
ID: 882449
16. By imposing a new big government regulation to shrink the size of dominoes, resulting in tragedies like this.
ID: 882453
17. By changing the Earth’s gravitational field, thus making it much more difficult to execute a successful backflip.
ID: 882457
18. By giving you all the bad letters in Scrabble.
ID: 882148
19. By making the snow in the Arctic regions extra cold, just to screw around with some poor polar bears.
ID: 882459
20. By thinking it’s somehow OK to get a bunch of bees drunk before they have to go to work at the hive.
ID: 882461
21. By bribing this dog to throw the dog show because he’s a much bigger fan of hounds.
ID: 882460
22. By telepathically giving this child a horrible haircut, thus setting him up for ridicule.
ID: 882471
23. By gluing this poor drummer’s music sheets together “just for a giggle.”
ID: 882462
24. By refusing to acknowledge the pain and suffering our nation’s tape users go through each day.
ID: 882474
25. By forcing good, hardworking Americans into carrying all their cleaning supplies at once.
ID: 882508
ID: 882142
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