28 Things That Never Ever Happen In Real Life

Movies do not equal reality.

1. You never close your bathroom mirror and see someone standing right behind you.

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2. You never turn on the TV and see something that completely relates to your current situation.

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3. You never get out of an awkward moment by having the scene change.

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4. You never speak totally coherent sentences while crying.

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5. You never hit someone on the head only for them to wake up an hour later totally fine.

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6. You never take off your glases and become 10 times more attractive.

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7. Cars don’t always explode after every crash.

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8. And you never walk away from an explosion without reacting at all. Or without this happening:

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9. You’re never surrounded by a group of people who attack you one at a time instead of all at once.

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10. You never sprint through an airport to stop someone from getting on a plane.

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11. Hackers can’t hack everything by just typing very loudly. They also use the spacebar.

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12. You can’t solve every mystery by zooming in and enhancing.

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13. You never get a montage when you’re studying for finals.

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14. You never disappear behind a bus that drives by.

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15. You never hear the dial tone after the other person on the phone hangs up. You also say “bye.”

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16. You never walk into a bar full of bikers and hear a record scratch when they all turn and look at you.

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17. You never immediately change your mind after an argument.

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18. You never throw away a gun after you empty the clip.

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19. You never fall off something and catch yourself with your fingertips.

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20. DNA tests take way longer than two minutes to get a result.

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21. Not every single grocery bag has a giant baguette sticking out of it.

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22. You never find a parking spot in front of exactly where you’re going.

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23. You never brush your teeth without foam forming.

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24. You never slowly turn your head around for dramatic effect when you hear something.

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25. You never say, “I have something important to tell you” only to be interrupted by something unimportant and then never tell the person what you wanted to.

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26. You never wake up from a nightmare and sit straight up.

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27. Tying a bandage around a wound doesn’t immediately make everything better.

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28. Finally, there are no happy endings in life. Except in this post, which ends with a fluffy chicken.

I mean, come on. That chicken is fluffy. FLUFFY! I need to sit down.

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Inspired by these forum threads here, here, here, and here.

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