28 Things That Never Ever Happen In Real Life

Movies do not equal reality.

1. You never close your bathroom mirror and see someone standing right behind you.

2. You never turn on the TV and see something that completely relates to your current situation.

3. You never get out of an awkward moment by having the scene change.

4. You never speak totally coherent sentences while crying.

5. You never hit someone on the head only for them to wake up an hour later totally fine.

6. You never take off your glases and become 10 times more attractive.

7. Cars don’t always explode after every crash.

8. And you never walk away from an explosion without reacting at all. Or without this happening:

9. You’re never surrounded by a group of people who attack you one at a time instead of all at once.

10. You never sprint through an airport to stop someone from getting on a plane.

11. Hackers can’t hack everything by just typing very loudly. They also use the spacebar.

12. You can’t solve every mystery by zooming in and enhancing.

13. You never get a montage when you’re studying for finals.

14. You never disappear behind a bus that drives by.

15. You never hear the dial tone after the other person on the phone hangs up. You also say “bye.”

16. You never walk into a bar full of bikers and hear a record scratch when they all turn and look at you.

17. You never immediately change your mind after an argument.

18. You never throw away a gun after you empty the clip.

19. You never fall off something and catch yourself with your fingertips.

20. DNA tests take way longer than two minutes to get a result.

21. Not every single grocery bag has a giant baguette sticking out of it.

22. You never find a parking spot in front of exactly where you’re going.

23. You never brush your teeth without foam forming.

24. You never slowly turn your head around for dramatic effect when you hear something.

25. You never say, “I have something important to tell you” only to be interrupted by something unimportant and then never tell the person what you wanted to.

26. You never wake up from a nightmare and sit straight up.

27. Tying a bandage around a wound doesn’t immediately make everything better.

28. Finally, there are no happy endings in life. Except in this post, which ends with a fluffy chicken.

I mean, come on. That chicken is fluffy. FLUFFY! I need to sit down.

Inspired by these forum threads here, here, here, and here.

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