Before we get started, please gaze upon this majestic photo:
Phew, that felt good. Now let's get going:
1. Because he was able to beat out this cat for the role of Ron Swanson:
And this swan, too:
2. Because he's full of wisdom:
3. He has a great morning routine:
4. He makes a great Dr. Seuss book:
5. His first headshot was him with a giant foam penis:
6. He's full of experience:
7. He may or may not be the dark lord:
8. But, in the end, he left his dark ways behind and realized how stupid twitter was:
Let's take a break. It's time to...
WITH A MUSTACHE BREAK!!!!!
Whoo, that was funny:
9. He knows how to be a man:
10. Because he is infinite:
11. Because of this picture:
12. And this one, too:
13. And don't forget this GIF:
14. Because even without facial hair, he's still more of a man than me or you could ever be:
15. I mean, his superlative in High School was "a real stud:"
Actually, he kind of looks like Buzz Lightyear:
16. Still, he even looks manly blowing bubbles:
17. Because he isn't afraid to show emotion:
18. Because he makes a great jack-o-lantern:
19. And ice cream flavor:
20. He's not afraid to go blonde:
21. He even went blonde in "Sin City:"
22. He's also not afraid to give cornrows a try:
23. Because he has the perfect answer to every question:
24. Because he knows more than you:
25. Because he may or may not have been the original inspiration for the Grinch:
26. Because he knows the five most important words in the English language:
27. Do you know what time it is?
IT'S MEAT BREAK TIME!!!!!
Wasn't that great? Let's wrap this up.
28. Because HE IS AMERICA:
