In case you missed it, according to the ‘Buse, a fun way to use an inner tube romantically requires these steps:
1. When the inner tube is flat, cut a hole in it.
2. Go to the marine-supply office depot and get a rubber hose to put around the hole.
3. Insert yourself, smile, and act like nothing is happening while you sit under the inner tube from the top of the river to the bottom of the river.
4. Find pleasure by yourself in a beautiful body of water with trees, with birds flying around chirping, doves honking at you, etc.
5. Make these shows a reality:
True story: On my way to class one day I saw Busey standing on the corner of the street selling pizza with Lil John. Busey stood outside yelling at people while Lil John took a more subdued role, handing out flyers ushering people into the restaurant.
I grabbed Busey’s shoulder, looked him in the eye, and did what I felt like my entire life had been leading up to at that point. I told Busey he was my hero.
Busey looked me straight in the eye and paused for a moment. Everything seemed to slow down, time stopped, and the normally deafening sound of the New York City sidewalk seemed muted. Gary grabbed my left shoulder, grabbed my right shoulder, pointed at me and opened his mouth: “Diarrhea,” he whispered. “Diarrhea.”
Never change, Papa ‘Buse. Never change.
- And President Obama actually made his daughters laugh at the annual White House turkey pardon. ›