1. YOU THINK YOU’RE SAFE FROM GLASS DOORS??? THINK AGAIN:
2. GLASS DOORS DON’T CARE IF YOU EAT:
3. THEY DON’T CARE IF YOU SLEEP:
5. YOU THINK YOU’RE GONNA BUY SOME NEW SHOES, NUMBSKULL?? THINK AGAIN:
6. “AH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO EXIT A STORE.” NOPE:
7. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT BEATING A DOOR AT ITS OWN GAME BECAUSE GUESS WHAT, BLOCKHEAD? YOU WILL LOSE. EVERYTIME.
8. YOU THINK THE POLICE CAN SAVE YOU? HA. HA. HA. THAT’S THREE “HA’S,” YA DOLT:
9. YOU KNOW WHAT A PERFECT DAY FOR A DOOR CONSISTS OF? CRUSHING THE SWEET, SWEET LIFE OUT OF YOU:
10. YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT ANOTHER PERFECT DAY FOR A DOOR IS? RAINING GLASS DOWN ON YOU LIKE YOU’RE LIVING IN SOME SORT OF GLASS RAINFOREST. A GLASSFOREST:
11. “MAN, I SURE LOVED BUYING ALL THOSE GOODS AT THE MALL TODAY. WOULD BE WONDERFUL TO LEAVE NOW.” NOPE:
12. LEMME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU’RE GOING TO GO PAY FOR YOUR GAS? I DON’T THINK SO, YA IGNORAMUS. BETTER GO ELECTRIC INSTEAD:
13. OH, SO YOU’RE INTERNATIONAL POP SENSATION JUSTIN BIEBER? GREAT. GRAND. FANTASTIC. WON’T STOP A DOOR FROM FUCKING YOUR SHIT UP:
15. AND DON’T EVEN PRETEND LIKE NO ONE SAW. BECAUSE WE ALL DID. DOORS SEE EVERYTHING:
17. “BUT WHAT ABOUT REGULAR OLD DOORS? AREN’T THOSE SAFE? HMMMMMM LET’S SEE:
18. SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN TONIGHT:
basically this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcFaVfTDWcs
Here Are The Top Stories
- More debris – believed to be part of the missing aircraft MH370 – has been found washed up on the Indian Ocean island of Réunion on Sunday.
- Cilla Black, the legendary English singer and TV star, has died at her home in Spain, according to local police. She was 72 years old.
- A conservation group at Oxford University told BuzzFeed News that media reports of Jericho's death were not true and that the 11-year-old lion was "alive and well".