• 1.

    My take: Something to do with STDs… which is exactly what I want to be thinking about when I’m eating chinese food.

  • 2.

    My take: A desperate message from the future about how man-kind will soon no longer be able to walk in any direction but forwards. Chills my bones.

  • 3.

    My take: After some scholarly research (wikipedia) I found out Alice is Popeye’s 8-foot tall, deformed lover. So no. No I don’t.

  • 4.

    My take: This reminds me of what my dad used to say: “Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?” Get it? It’s

  • 5.

    My take: Someone is throwing a BANGER in the south. AWWWWW YEAH!

  • 6.

    My take: This one’s easy. I, for one, always like to put milk, sugar, and loaves of bread in my tea. It just ain’t tea without a little wheat in there.

  • 7.

    My take: Alright, so this one may seem to make sense on the surface. Boats and water? Okay, you’re going to become a sailor. But why the bee? Easy: you’re going to be a Sailor-Bee.

  • 8.

    My take: Obviously an advertisement for some sort of new container brand named Wisdom. Contain it, everything! Yours for $19.95!

  • 9.

    My take: Oh my god! I LOVE GATHENNS! If there’s a gathenn, god dammit, you can be damn sure I’m there.

  • 10.

    My take: This one’s about time travel. Obviously, for anyone to travel to the future, there needs to be foreword thrust. And jiggawatts. Lot’s of jiggawats.

  • 11.

    My take: Always what? This one is mysterious. My guess: always rabbits. Bitches love rabbits.

  • 12.

    My take: This one doesn’t make any sense unless your teeth both came up with the message, started their own restaurant, and printed this fortune. And if they did then, damn, those are some successful teeth.

  • 13.

    My take: I’m going to guess that to make circles means “to make amends.” What did you even do to circles in the first place that pissed them off so much? Come on, man, they’re just circles.

  • 14.

    My take: No way this means happen. No way.

  • 15.

    My take: This sounds like the worst Jedi advice ever.

  • 16.

    My take: This is a warning of the apocalypse . Be wary, young traveler, the Gathenn is upon us.

  • 17.

    My take: This sounds like an ad for the worst dating site ever. I mean, gold? Come on. Silver works so much better.

  • 18.

    My take: This ones about eating virtual dinner in silence with telemarketers. Sad, I know, but after 20 years of virtual marriage you just run out of things to say.

  • 19.

    My take: Well, then, I like my odds.

  • 20.

    My take: I don’t know… I think this might be self-explanatory. Use your imagination.