30 Shirts You Probably Shouldn’t Wear

And by “probably,” I mean “definitely.”

1. EX-Masturbator

There are other ways to show you’ve found Jesus.

2. I Shaved My Balls For This?

Don’t worry, you’ll be extra popular with the other inmates.

3. Problem Solved

Calm down, Chris Brown.

4. Licensed Orangutan Rapist

Yes, I know it really says therapist. But you can never be too carful when it comes to the possibility of looking like an animal rapist.

5. Boston Massacre

This Nike shirt was going for $150,000 on eBay before it was pulled. What is wrong with people?

6. Gold Digging

Wow, Nike is just on a roll.

7. I Heart Midget Porn

As true as this may be, you should probably keep it to yourself.

8. “Period Power” Tee

American Apparel you so get me, I’ve always wanted to wear a bloody vagina on my chest. Said no one ever. (Except, maybe, the guy who loves midget porn.)

9. I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.

I’m not interested. You’re an asshole. Go f**k yourself.

10. “Eat Less” by Urban Outfitters

Well, the brand does cater to “upscale homeless” people so this kind of makes sense. Just kidding, it’s appalling and UO should be ashamed.

11. Trust Me! I’m A Police Officer

Yeah … I don’t think that saying works in this situation. I mean, does anyone really trust police officers?

12. Support Your Local Hooker

That fish isn’t fooling anyone.

13. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

Again, not fooling anyone.

14. I’d Do Me

Really? I find that a little hard to believe.

15. I Was Lubed Up

EW.

16. #$@$#@%$#

I hope she wasn’t traveling to America in that shirt…

17. I’m A Virgin (But this is an old shirt)

Is it though?

18. Who Needs Brains When You Have These?

Your parents must be so proud.

19. “New Twerk City” by Urban Outfitters

Please, make it stop.

20. Don’t Bother I’m Not Drunk Yet

WARNING: This shirt leads to teenage pregnancy.

21. Enjoy Vagina

So does this one.

22. How To Catch An Illegal Immigrant

Oh, I get it! You’re a racist.

23. # more boyfriends than t.s.

I don’t know what’s more pathetic, the fact that Abercrombie came up with this shirt or that they discontinued it because Taylor Swift fans sent them angry tweets.

24. Obama Is My Slave

Do you want everyone to hate you?

25. I Pooped Today!

I’m happy you don’t suffer from constipation?

26. Straight Pride

There is no pride in ignorance. Also, you’re like 10. Who do you need to prove your sexuality to?

27. Get On My Level

I’d rather not.

28. W.I.F.E

Thanks for feeding that stereotype.

29. I Came …

It doesn’t even matter what the rest of the shirt says … you’ve already made a fool of yourself.

30. And finally, “I F**k On The First Date”

This kid is awesome and deserves to win at life.

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