I am of the female persuasion. This automatically means I will eventually become a baby-bag-toting, soccer-van-owning, toddler-chasing mommy figure, right?
Eh, sorry. Not for me.
It's not that I don't like kids, individually. If my colleague comes up to me, their baby blinking owlishly under an animal-themed hat, I'll coo and offer a finger for tiny hands to grab. Kids can teach us things about ourselves, give us new ways to look at life, and as a member of the human race, I'm thrilled we're propagating the species.
But there's no denying that kids can be kind of horrible sometimes. They're often slimy, needy, loud, or selfish, and rare is the time when you can logically reason with them. I'd really prefer not to hold your baby, thanks, and I definitely don't want to be in charge of humans under four years for any extended length of time. Maternal instincts aren't something I intrinsically get, and they aren't something I feel I'm missing out on. Unfortunately, there are countless people in the world who think otherwise.
Even worse than the boogery toddlers and screaming babies are the gasps and immediate attempts to change my view put forward by parents, once they learn of my plight. It's not the kids, but the people in this kid culture. Family, friends, and sometimes even strangers, treat those who aren't child-inclined to countless rounds of why-you-should-have-kids, each one seeming to think that their reasoning will finally bring us around to the glorious light of parenthood.
Examples include:
"You'll want one someday. You'll get into your thirties and..."
Stop right there. You, kind stranger, are assuming you know what I want and how I feel better than I do! And frankly... I'm me. I'm kind of in the best position to know.
"Your biological clock is ticking!"
Yep. It is. And I'll grow old and not have to worry about buying pads every month. It'll be great. Next.
"But children are little bundles of joy!
That's how you feel about kids. As I've probably just told you, that's not how I feel about them. Besides, I've been around enough parents to know that not all of them are happy with their misbehaving tykes.
"Kids are a wonderful miracle of life!"
I haven't seem anyone turn water into wine; I'd call that one a miracle. But there are already several billion people on the planet, so making another one isn't really gonna wow me.
"I used to say I didn't want kids..."
And when you said that, you probably meant it. If you changed your mind and enjoy kids now, good for you! And if I change my mind, I'll be sure to have a little one of my own. But until then…
"Once you meet the right partner, you'll want kids."
I wasn't aware loving someone romantically meant you wanted to carry a child in your womb for nine months. Somehow, they seem to leave that part out of the Hollywood movies.
And hey, maybe I'm just selfish. I'd prefer to spend my vacations on wine tours of France instead of at a kiddy science museum. I'd prefer spending money on a nice car rather than on the million little things a child needs growing up. I can barely keep my own schedule straight, never mind adding on the schedule of a kid I need to drive to soccer practice. But is being selfish really that bad? If I know I'm not going to be able to give a kid the attention and resources they deserve, maybe it's good that I don't have one.
I don't like kids, and that's okay. But it's not really the kids that bother me most; it's the kid culture. The society that surrounds me and says that I must have kids or my family isn't complete, that I have to carry a child or I'll die unhappy and alone. I'll pass on my knowledge to the next generation in my own way; let me be your kids' cool aunt once they reach their teens, and we can get along just fine.
Share This Article
